| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am very confused in that it keeps playing on my mind that my boyfriend might be gay, but then I think I’m imagining things. My boyfriend is a very complex character and so I am finding it hard to fathom him out. He was with his ex-fiancee for nearly 5 years. She treated him really badly and it ended. However, he told me how her parents treated him really badly too, and her Dad even suggested he was gay because of the amount of time he spends with his best friend (who is definitely heterosexual. (We’ll call him J). At first, I dismissed it but since I have started going out with him I have noticed that I usually play second fiddle to J and his plans and I think that could have been the issue with the ex. My boyfriend is quite shy and lacking in self esteem so I wonder if he doesn't know how to say no to J who has a very strong personality.He doesn’t look at men, I’ve found nothing magazine wise to suggest he’s gay, he says he has never tried anal sex and it doesn’t appeal to him at all but.....he hasn’t touched me at all in over a month (but I think that is other issues), he has got gay friends (one of whom has told my boyfriend that he fancies him but my boyfriend has told him he isn't gay), he says he buys a Christmas present for his best friend and he gives him bear hugs. It could just be innocent larking about like guys do. There is nothing wrong in these things at all but it seems so unlike most guys I know and when you start seeing all these things together it does start putting ideas in the head!!!My boyfriend has got an almost child-like innocence about him due to a learning difficulty he has. He is a very broad-minded guy and is almost too open and honest to the point of being blunt about things!!! He doesn’t seem to realise how his behaviour could be perceived.When I told a male friend of mine (who fancied me) that I had a boyfriend, he asked what profession he was in. As soon as I said ‘care worker’ he fell about laughing saying ‘well he’s definitely gay!’ even though I hadn't mentioned my thoughts about my boyfriend to him. This has done nothing to reassure me. This male friend hasn’t even met him and is suggesting he’s gay!!! But then I do think he was intently jealous because it wasn’t him going out with me.I can't decide if the tell-tale signs are there or it's just that several people have put the idea in my head that has made me think it. Obviously I can't say anything outright unless I have concrete proof. Help!!! I have no problem with all these things in themselves, but only in the sense that if he is gay then our bf/gf relationship would have to end!!!
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anal sex, best friend, christmas, his ex, jealous, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): Well he sounds to me like a very sensitive guy. Sadly us ladies have been conditioned to look at sensitive guys as effeminate and possibly gay. My boyfriend is the sensitive type and he's had guys hitting on him, but he is not gay. It does upset him at times,that people think he 'could or might be gay'.We have a fantastic sexual relationship and a very loving one too. You also say he has a learning difficulty? Well maybe that's what the problem is.
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