A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was on holiday in France for 3 weeks over Christmas and new year and i met up with a guy who I had met and got with 6 years ago.He works and lives there. He was very keen on me and having just come out of a long relationship, i was hesitant. I did, however, embark upon a relationship with him and we got on very well.He was always calling me on Skype after i left, calling me 'baby', saying i should move out there to be with him (i live in the UK), talking about silly stuff like 'our kids' etc.I went to visit him for 4 days in early Feb. He has been very busy at work since i left and has only called me once or twice. I called him from a different number ( i was at my parents house) on Sunday and he answered (having not answered to my mobile all week) and sighed when he realised it was me - and was obviously very busy, i could hear a lot going on in the background.He said he'd call later and he did, but only 4 ten mins - he was exhausted. I really like him but am finding it difficult going from when he was sending me texts and calling a lot to not calling me back etc. He said he'd call me on Tuesday, but he didnt. I haven't tried to call him since. The period of him being extremely busy at work ends after today, and i don't know what to do.I am thinking i'll wait til Tuesday or so and then try calling him (if i don't hear from him), because i think he's changed his mind about me... He'll have to give me some stuff back and i have to give him a book back, so that needs to be arranged. Or maybe i'm just being paranoid and he's really really busy. 2 minutes out of your day to make a quick phone call, however, is definitely possible. I have known him for 6 years (the week we spent together 6 years ago was short lived because he moved to another country after that)... and only been with him since end of December. He said he wouldn't let me go again (as in last time he was silly not to keep our thing going)... Shall i just call him continually til he answers or do i wait and wait? I don't know what to do and it's driving me mad!Do u have any suggestions or advice? Why do boys say things like that when they don't mean it? also, i can't believe that, if he has changed his mind about me, he isn't enough of an adult (at 32 years old) to just tell me???Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni guess go wild just means go dancing... yes.. and drinking
i'm not waiting, but it will make me happy when he calls...if he does
possibly pick it up in april just for fun... we shall see
thanks for your advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): I think if you call him you will be at a disadvantage. waiting is a killer, but better for you i think as you remain in control - e.g. if you phone and he doesnt answer etc.
so i think you should not both waiting or calling him - go and live your life. Get drunk (if thats what you do) and have fun. if he wants you, then pick it up when he returns in April.
Hugs.Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did ask him and he said wait til there's good snow... when i said 'that's not really my main reason for coming out there' he kind of avoided it...
he said he'd call me on tues, it's now thurs... i don't know whether to wait for him to call me to tell him it's over or just call him - i wont do it by email.
i don't want it to be over, i'll give him the option of sorting it out in april when he's back for two weeks...
shall i call him or just leave it til he calls me... if i leave it til he calls me i'll get a (slightly) better indication of how he feels, if i don't then i'll call him and at least might (if he answers) get an answer and not have to wait around and i can go wild on friday night.
thanks all especially starfish!
X
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): LDR's are difficult, very difficult. I suspect he is living his life out there and enjoying it. Then there is a shock that you will come along and join him pulling him out of his life style.
I am not optimistic here for how he has behaved. I suspect you haven't spoken much since the last post. I would guess he avoiding you joining him.
I think if i was you i would demand to know - yes or no about what happens next and if he says no, why not. Its almost the end of ski season? so that would be a good enough reason.
If it were me i would say ok, when you return in April, we will be friends and see how we are. IF we still get along then we can consider the summer.
On the other side of things - don't stay in crap job, go see the world, do things - don't just wait for him - he should not be your spring board to a new life.... Live.
Hugs star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the original poster of the question
Yesterday was the first time I’d spoken to him in 3 weeks for more than 2 minutes. He said he’d call me again today. He is a skiing instructor and told me I should only book to come and see him last minute otherwise there’ll be no snow and I’ll have a crap time. So I might not be seeing him til he comes back to London in mid April for 2 weeks. He’s also decided what he’s doing over the summer. I want to go and work with him (possible) but don’t know how to broach the subject. First I need to find out if he cares (bearing in mind I’ve only spent time with him for about 4 weeks in total, knowing him on off for 7 years, but been in touch properly and ‘seeing eachother’ since end of December)…
I’m unhappy in my job and would love to go with him… and I know it’s all a bit rushed. But it kinda has to be all or nothing, doesn’t it, otherwise I’ll never see him at all…
He said he’d call me tonight – I need to see how he feels. I did ask him last night how I fit into the plans and he kind of avoided the subject and said I shoudn’t book anything and he’d be back in the UK in a few months…. So I don’t know what to think. 2 months ago he wanted me to move out there… now I’m not so sure. I will tackle this head on tonight when (if) he calls…
Am I crazy, everyone? The job I could do with him would be hard work but good money but we’d be with eachother constantly which I’d like but I can compeltely see why he’d have reservations… All I know is it’d be better than what I’m doing now…
Any advice/thoughts anyone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): All things crossed for you. Lets us know what happens next...
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the original poster of the question.
I called him this morning, he was busy at work so couldn't really talk. he said he'd call me today at lunchtime or later and i said i don't believe you and he laughed and said he'd try.
if i don't hear from him today i will send the email saying he should have the decency to just tell me if he's changed his mind. if he meant the things he said, then I hope i'll hear from him asap, but otherwise please just give my stuff back.
He seemed like he was in a good mood this morning, i just am SO CONFUSED!!!
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female
reader, liv1143  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 this is a very interesting story.. :) well i think that you should call and leave a breif message saying something along these lines...ive been missing you, trying to get a hold of you but it seems to be near impossible. im not sure if youre just really busy or maybe losing intrest in me. please try calling me, even if only 2 minutes, within the next 3 days.... after you do that, wait for those 3 days for him to contact you, if he doesnt, then just assume hes a jerk that doesnt deserve you and your persute. if he knows what he has, he should be in hot persute of you! calling you! :) hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Hi, this is the writer of the question. i called him because my friends said i should see what was going on. i called him after i knew he'd finished work as i knew he'd been very busy. he answered and reacted as if nothing was different. maybe it isn't and i was just being paranoid. he told me to call him in a few hours as i was still at work and couldn't talk properly...i still want to know if he still feels so strongly about me.when he spoke about our future/kids etc it made me really happy and excited and i could visualise it all... i think that definitely means good things, i do really care about him... i need to get to know him better. i will update later in the day, thanks for all your help and advice everyonei'm writing from my home computer now, that's why it wont show up that i'm the original poster!i'm going to ask him where he thinks this is going and if he thinks its worth it...i'm pretty sure he's not afriad of committment as the last girl he was with he was with for 5 years... although they had huge gaps when they couldn't see eachother...
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reader, sarcy24 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 My advice would be to totally leave him alone. He knows where you are and how to contact you. If he is interested then he will be in touch. Ringing him and pestering him is not the answer. The fact that you were ringing from your mobile all week and he wouldn't pick up and then he did when he didn't think it was you should tell you something. We have all been in this position and for some reason it becomes even more pressing when the person ignores you or just doesn't respond. If you want this chap and it is clear from your post that you do you are going to have to back off and hope he comes to you. Chasing him like this is never going to work. It is driving him mad and he is making up excuses about being busy and not answering because he doesn't know how to deal with you. Leave him alone and see what happens when his 'busy' period comes to a close. Do not under any circumstances start ringing and writing to him about the return of your belongings - just let it be otherwise he will see it as desperate. If you maintain no contact you will give off an aura of unavailability which men find very addictive/ attractive. Focus on something else for the time being.
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 If today is the end of a busy period at work for him then see what happens over the next week or so. Hopefully if he is interested in you then he will try and make it up to you for the time he has been busy lately.
If he still doesnt call much then I guess you have your answer! Long distance relationships are tough and I think it wont help if you keep on calling him - you are being too clingy and putting too much pressure on him.
But you havent said if you are interested in him either? While I guess that you are seen as you are frantically trying to call him, you also never mentioned what your feelings are towards him or what your reaction was when he was talking about kids etc. Are you sure you have given off the right signals to him? And you keep mentioning getting your stuff back - is this all you are bothered about?
If you do want this to work then back off a little. Wait now until he texts or calls you. If you hear nothing from him for a week then call him and arranage to collect your things/have the shipped home. This is all you can do. But hopefully he will call and you will see you are just being a little paranoid.
Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Hi, there is very kittle you can do, he is not man enough or interested enough, you have tried in so many way ways. Time to shut him out forever you deserve far better treatment than he is prepared to give you. He is the loser not you, walk away with pride and at least you can see him for exactly the kind of person he really is. Lucky escape and not the kind of man very many woman would like to spend a lifetime with.People who let you down are usually pretty much liars and hopeless cases, forget this coward find a REAL MAN and let the wimp get on with his pathetic excusses.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): my view you can't. Walk away head held high that you tried.
you can't make him want you so Walk away and move on.
Big Hugs.Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wrote him a letter a while ago. He got it and said he doesn't write...this was before the issues were happening...He never checks emails and to be honest a text wont satisfy me. i want to hear his voice, his reaction etc.he did seem to be crazy about me at first...if he doesn't answer my calls today when he finishes work i will text him to grow some balls and be honest and that i want my stuff back..WHAT MORE CAN I DO?this is the author of the original question!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wrote him a letter a while ago. He got it and said he doesn't write...this was before the issues were happening...He never checks emails and to be honest a text wont satisfy me. i want to hear his voice, his reaction etc.he did seem to be crazy about me at first...if he doesn't answer my calls today when he finishes work i will text him to grow some courage and be honest and that i want my stuff back..WHAT MORE CAN I DO?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): ahem... Girls do it to! Its done mainly for 2 reasons i think,firstly because they dont want to hurt you and thing its wrong \ mistake etc. Secondly because they are stupid.
My view is Stop - just stop. don't ring him, dont chase. send one more email\ text \ letter (remmeber those) just saying you are interested in him and if he is interested in you to let you know. The rest will work itself out.
But as an outsider i think let him go... if he was interested he would say so.
Hugs Star.x.
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