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female
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anonymous
writes:I'm still deeply in love with my ex, we broke up last October. He lives pretty far away so I never drove over there to go pick up my things. I have a few things I left at his house that have sentimental value to me, but they have absolutely no value to him. Before we broke up, I asked for a few of these things back just because I needed to use them and he seemed unwilling to bring them with him. When he did come see me he said he "forgot" them, but he wasn't being a jerk about it. I figured he thought I was going to leave because we were starting to fall apart at this point. Anyway, two months pass and other commitments get in the way of us being together so I decided to call it quits even though I knew I'd regret it, I just couldn't stand the uncertainty of knowing whether he still wanted us to work. Till this day I still want to be with him, but the communication isn't there. I tried to initiate a conversation about getting my things back because I need them, and he didn't respond (this was a 2 month ago). We talked on Christmas and it was short and sweet, so I figured we weren't in a bad place, so I tried again asking for my stuff a few days later. No response. He answers me about other things, but he ignores me when I ask for my stuff.We loved each other very much, and we just let work, school and family get in the way of us being happy together. I know he still cares about me, but why is he being a jerk about letting me get my things back? I wrote him a short email about how I wanted my stuff back because I needed it and because it would help me get closure from our relationship. That was 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard a word from him, but this is his pattern when I ask. I don't know what to do. I miss him, but if he doesn't want to try again I just want my stuff back because I can't keep thinking he wants me back by holding onto my stuff. Any suggestions? I could use a lot of help! Thanks guys.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 You're very welcome. I'm sure everything will work out fine in the end.
Sorry to hear about your dad.
Thank you for the follow up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wrote him an email, since he wouldn't pick up my call and that's when I never heard back. Earlier in November, I text him and told him I was going to be in the area because my grandmother passed away and he lives on the way so I was going to go pick it up. I asked him if he would be home and he said he'd be running errands. So I suggested he leave everything in a big box, he lives in a very quiet neighborhood so I knew they'd be safe. Then he was like no, no, no that's not a good idea I'll be home, just let me know when. I called and text him before I left and he said ok, when I got there he wasn't home and I text and called him, no answer.
I was very disappointed and like I said the things are of value to me. My dad passed away a few years ago from brain cancer and I left something he left me at my ex's house and I really want it back. He knows about this object and I'm appalled he's holding onto it. I may just go down during the summer to retrieve it, because I have a feeling I'm not getting anything back without a surprise visit. Thanks guys.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (17 January 2012):
He may have feelings for you but I doubt that is the motive behind his hesitation. Property exchanges can be dramatic as they are symbolic of the end and they tend to stir up emotions. He may be trying to avoid a scene.
What you could do is tell him you would like to have a friend or family member collect them. Pick someone before you call him, one you can both trust to remain impartial.
After that let it go. No amount of keepsakes are worth dragging this out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): Well if he isn't going to bring it back, which is what it sounds like, then travel there yourself maybe with friends/family and pick it up.
I don't think in anyway is this a good kind of wanting you back. It seems like a way he can still feel like he has a little control of the situation and ensure he can ignore you but you can't ignore him. It's the same sort of thing as him not making it obvious whether or not he wanted you two to work. He's ensuring that everything has to be on his terms.
It's selfish and immature even if he does still have some feelings, so now you've seen this side of him, use it to move on.
Don't tell him you're coming up (or he may go out) knock on the door and ask to get your stuff.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): Maybe you should just call him and be blunt about it. Say, is there a reason you keep ignoring me when I ask for my stuff? Are you trying to hold on to it in hopes of us getting back together? Are you asking him in email or a text? If he still ignores it maybe you should just show up at his place even though its far away if the stuff means that much to you.
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