A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I went out on a lunch date (first date) with this guy last weekend. Everything seemed to be ok. We talked, there was very little awkward silences. For a first date, I think it went ok. During lunch, he said several times that we should do it again, even going so far as to say specific places we should go to. I took that to mean that he was going to follow through on this, otherwise why bring it up? Plus throughout the week, he asked me out repeatedly. Saying how great it was, how I would love it, etc. BTW, he's the one who initiated contacting me first after the date and bringing up the topic of the second date. He said that he'll call to confirm the time the day of the date. However, he never called. Instead he canceled though email (on the day of the date) saying that he was caught up at work. He didn't even have the decency to call or even to text. As if I check my email every minute.....So....my question is what went wrong? If he didn't want to go out with me, why did he ask me? It's like he changed his mind overnight.If it helps, we're both in our mid 20's.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (16 November 2010):
Hello again. If he's saying on Facebook that he's moved on, well that might be the truth for him.
Even though you would like to see him again, I'm not sure that calling or texting him is good idea.
He would probably assume that you have read his Facebook page, and might then see you as needy. If that was the case, he is unlikely to get in contact with you again.
If you did call him, it would then be pretty awkward between you because of this. It could be rather humiliating.
It's something you will have to think about very carefully before taking any action.
Emailing you to cancel the date, is a bit impersonal, but at the very least, he did actually cancel it - rather than just not turn up. I guess that's something.
Just see what happens from now on, and see if he does contact you again. However to be realistic about it, give it a timeframe - say 1 or 2 weeks before letting it go and moving on yourself. This way you keep your self respect.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do want to contact him because regardless of the rudeness, I want to see him again. But would that be desperate on my part to contact him when he's clearly moved on? He's even said he's moved on on his facebook status. I'm assuming that's referring to me.....
Help please
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (15 November 2010):
Hi there. Yes, it's a curly one for sure.
I'm guessing that you don't know his previous romantic background. It's not usually a subject for topic on a date really, of course.
Without knowing this, it's hard to say what might have happened since that first date.
One possibility, is perhaps he was fresh out of a relationship and then he met you, you went out and had a great time. Since then, the ex might have got back in contact with him (or he called her), and now they have patched things up again and have resumed going out together as before.
Perhaps he was cheating on his girlfriend/wife. Then had a change of heart and started feeling guilty.
He might even be married, and separated, met you and went out, then realized that it wasn't really over with his wife at all - and was thinking about her while he was out with you.
There really is so many possibilities that could have happened.
If he was unattached and available, but scared of commitment, it wouldn't happen after just one date, surely. It would be a few dates. As things went so well when you did go out, there seems no clue that this could happen, does there?
These things you never get to know about, but being just broken off with someone then quickly reconsidering, would seem to fit a sudden change of heart, like this. It does make sense.
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A
female
reader, Cutiejblover18  +, writes (15 November 2010):
This proves this man isn't for you, if a guy would wanna be that disrespectful to a girl then there not boyfriend material, clearly this man is messed up and needs some help because that's very rude to have just done that to a wonderful women like u (even though I don't know you)... But to have canceled by email.?. That's extremely disrespectful ... He could atleast be a gentleman and have talked to u nicely to your face or atleast by phone.. I hope this helped.:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): That is strange. He might have been trying to brag about you to his guy friends and he got some negative feedback from them. Or maybe he felt that he wasn't getting enough positive feedback from you. Us guys pretend to be tough and act like we don't care, but we are scared of committing to the wrong woman. We are constantly looking for reassurance that we are making the right choice, especially in the start of a relationship.
Here's what you should do: Try calling him ONCE to ask him what's going on. Don't make it sound like you're mad at him, make it sound like you're concerned about him. If you get his voice mail, keep the message short. If you get no response wait a few days and try again. After that, you can wait, but don't get your hopes up.
If he tells you that he doesn't want to date you anymore, you need to accept that and move on. If he asks you to go on another date, then go for it! Also, you should text/call him at random times just to tell him that you are looking forward to the date or you're glad that he's going out with you. Guys love it when their girlfriends do that sort of thing. Just be sure to not overdo it; it might freak him out. This should help him know that you're worth his effort.
Hope that helps and I hope you get another chance with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): Well how did you react every time that he said he wanted to go out again and mentioned all these places? Were you unenthusasic? Overly enthusiastic? More information would help the analysis.
Otherwise, if you want to meet up with him still, try to reschedule and see what happens. If you weren't all that into it or don't want to make the effort, then leave it alone until he contacts you again to reschedule and don't think too much about it.
Don't get too hung up on it, and don't worry about the whys :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Sometimes the simplest answer is the best answer. He really was caught up at work. He expressed great interest in you, but you and him are not an item yet. Imagine if he became a husband and promised to pick his son up at soccer practice, and then cancelled and called his wife (already busy with other stuff) to do it at the last minute instead, wouldn't his wife be so angry? Then when they are all home they can all talk about what happened. You are not at that point yet. You can't even tell him, "if you are going to cancel next time, do it 24 hours ahead and assure me we are going to meet some other day." Or, "you really have to be more organized with your time." Or, "Even though I am not your girlfriend you still have to respect me by communicating." You are a potential date, so if the next date didn't happen this week, wouldn't be the end of the world for him. To ensure you will have a great time next time you actually have to keep your frustration inside, otherwise he might think you are not being understanding. Give him a few more days and if nothing happens then just date another guy and forget him forever. He needs to learn his lesson of keeping promises, big or small.
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