A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:If a guy's wife was the one to leave 2 years ago and he is middle-aged, is it normal to aim for a girl less than half his age and visit porn web sites. It seems totally unrealistic and frustrating. I feel love for him but he doesn't seem to know I am there even though I have told him how I feel. He seems to protect me at work, tells me jokes, personal problems, but I just cannot get him to see me as a potential lover. I am taller than him by about 3" and he seems against that, but I cannot cut my feet off!
View related questions:
at work, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): I think it is probably more accurate to say that it is "common" for a guy to go after much younger women then to say that it is "normal"! (Whatever normal is . . .) The fact that he is ONLY wanting to date women half his age sounds like he wants to be seen with a younger women so that people will be impressed. Of course a lot of people (including men) will just think it is kind of pathetic.
The porn thing is pretty common or there wouldn't be so many porn sites. But porn is a fantasy thing, while dating someone 22 when you are 44 is a reality thing.
As for why this guy isn't going for you - of course it hurts you, but it sounds like he is in a zone where he isn't thinking of you as someone to date. He probably feels comforted by having you to talk to, because he is probably pretty lonely. I think that it is a little unfair of him to do that to you once you have told him how you feel. If some guy told me he was in love with me and I didn't want to date him, I would be worried about leading him on if I talked about tons of personal stuff - wouldn't you? He's being pretty insensitive. Maybe he was insensitive to his ex-wife also??
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (7 May 2007):
 "he is middle-aged, is it normal to aim for a girl less than half his age and visit porn web sites"
That is pretty normal really. It's not uncommon for men who leave their marriage later in life to try to recapture their youth in some way. Also, it can just be a case of doing all the things he's not been 'allowed' to do whilst married.
If you've made your feelings clear to him and he's not interested then he's really probably just not interested. You'll have to just get over him. However, it might be worth checking that he got the message... you may feel you made your feelings clear and it may have not been clear to him. I suggest giving him some very very clear signals one last time, and then dropping it if you get no further.
...............................
A
male
reader, forgonepath  +, writes (7 May 2007):
You've answered your own question: you can't cut your feet off both literally and metaphorically. You've told him how you feel, you can't do much more than that. If he still doesn't want to pursue you then that just means he's looking for something else or that he doesn't see that you have what he needs. Move on! Maybe that'll make him realize that you filled an important void in his life and it'll make him want you back.
...............................
|
