A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok,so there is this guy-ive known him about 3 months but we didnt see each other for a few weeks and now weve started seeing each other again I tried telling him I want to wait a few weeks for things to get back to normal before we have sex but he wont have it and keeps asking me.The other day,I went round there and he said he wouldnt ask me for sex but he did and he was really pushy about it.So my question is,if a guy won't wait to have sex with you,does that automatically mean he's using you? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): "I nearly got raped a month ago then I told him about it 2 days later but he still expected sex off me that night"
Look, answer your own question. Does this sound like the behavior of someone who gives a rat's ass about you as a person or a human being?
Frankly, and years ago my gf was raped, I think his behavior is just really freaky and unconcerned.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 I think he is very disrespectful towards you. Does it make him a user? Not necessarily, just an inconsiderate horny jerk.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 March 2011):
 No it doesn't. You've already had sex with him before, so of course he's expecting it again. He will also continue bugging you for it until you cave.
If you don't want to be his girlfriend or a FWBs, which is what he is wanting(yes, that is still be used for sex), then just be friends with him. NO SEX.
Also, if you like another guy then it's not a smart idea to be used by another guy by sex. That will ruin your chances with the guy you initially like. Use your brain here, make smart choices.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): ok,update-he's just called me-I'm supposed to be seeing him now,and he was really nagging me to stay the night with him and kept making excuses to meet me at his home rather than at KFC-does that sound like definite user behavior?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): Hi-I am the OP-does it make a difference that I already slept with him before-but we didn't see each other for about a month.
I nearly got raped a month ago then I told him about it 2 days later but he still expected sex off me that night,so that is my excuse for not seeing him for a month-I thought he would ask for sex and I wasn't up for it,but I knew if I kept avoiding him it would be over for good,so I met up with him to talk I just said to wait a few weeks while we got used to each other again and when I said a few weeks he raised his eyebrows.
but the thing is,we can hang out together for days and I don't get bored.I can also make conversation with him so easily but I'm usually extremely shy.we used to watch telly and chat all night and I miss that and I don't want to let someone like that pass me by,but I don't even know if I want to be his girlfriend.I'd like to have him as a friend but I wouldn't know how to tell him that without upsetting him.So I'm thinking that I might risk being used and go for it,if it's not too big a risk,although you guys seem to think it is.
then to make it even more complicated,there is someone else interested in me who I really like-and I don't want to pick this guy over him only to be used-but then I'm not 100 percent sure he's not out to use me as well,so I don't want to lose the guy I like as a friend for him-help!
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A
female
reader, charitysend +, writes (1 March 2011):
He's very attracted to you, obviously. If he really liked you as a person, he would be willing to wait a few weeks. While things return to normal, don't do a lot of kissing and making out, because that just makes it harder for everyone. If you are letting him touch you in intimate places, he's going to take that as permission to push for more. Keep the physical side cool while you figure out how you feel about each other.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 March 2011):
Yes.
Any man who pushes you for sex, doesn't respect you, much less want a relationship. If he genuinely liked you, he would respect your decision to wait.
He wants one thing only, sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): To be perfectly blunt (and not trying to be rude) but: YES. And to add insult to injury, he was pushy about it too, even after he said he wouldnt ask for it. Your request to wait a few weeks for things to return to normal is a perfectly healthy thing to do, and any guy who keeps pushing those boundaries is not out for your best interest at all. You are well within your rights to ask for time and to be respected for doing so. He is not the right one for you, and I suspect if you give in to him you will only end up feeling used and worse yet it will set the tone for unfair treatment with the next relationship. Break the cycle now before it even becomes one, and stand up for yourself. You have the right healthy minded ideas about this. Stand firm.
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