A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I felt hurt when my fiancee told me 2 years ago that if he and his childhood friend were dating, he'd be married by now to her. I didn't say anything considering we were only dating at the time but it has been on my mind now and then. When he proposed to me, I forgot about it. Now that he's asked her to be friends with him on facebook, that feeling of shakiness under foot is back again. I know I shouldn't be upset but I can't help but wonder why he would say something like that back then when we were just dating. I'm curious about her and the more I thought about it, the more upset I got and finally exploded and told him how upset I was about him telling me how he was interested in her and would have married her back then if the two of them were dating. From what I've heard about her, she's smart and witty, intelligent, gorgeous and very much single. Their moms were close friends. This friend of his used to give him things like cds and comic books. They both were the youngest sibling in the brood and had some things in common. He told me he's 4 years older than her, though I didn't think that would matter. Obviously, he's smitten by her. He is going back home to do some business and to visit with friends and family. He moved to my hometown over 10 years ago (we met about 4 years ago) to go school and has never gone back home. He's excited and can't wait to visit his favorite places and of course home. I'd love to go with him but with no funds, I have to wait until after we're married. He said he'd take me around after we're married. I think what my fear is he'll have those old feelings come back and maybe will start some kind of thing with this woman. They say online friendships can sometimes end marriages and some innocently flirt and become more as time goes on. Am I being paranoid? I told him how I felt about how he all of a sudden told me about his life would be different if he was with this woman he grew up with and that if she came down her to visit, he'd drop everything to be with her. I told him if that was the case, it would be with me included. I also told him I didn't like the fact that he'd say things like that. He said I heard wrong but I clearly remember hearing him tell me all these things. He said it wasn't like that at all. I don't know what to do. I want to believe him but I've been hurt so many times before in the past by guys who lied to my face. I don't want to go through this again with him especially. Please help! I want to start our marriage on the right foot - with trust and confidence in him and in myself!!! Thanks for your time!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Ok well I do understand why you would have concerns. But he said it back when you both were only dating and he probably cant even remember saying it now. She was obviously very close to him years ago but he has moved away now and he has started a whole new life, with you included in it. He would not have proposed to you if he was not serious about you. Maybe back then he did think about this girl once in a while, but it is you who he fell in love with. He probably just meant that if he hadnt moved from his home town that he would have ended up marrying this girl as they were good friends back when he was younger. I wouldnt worry to much about it as am sure nothing will come of it. He probably just got in touch with her as she was part of his past and they obviously had a good friendship. You say you have already spoke to him about it which is a start. I guess you need to tell him that you are finding it difficult to trust him after what you have been through in the past with men and let him show you that you are the only woman for him.
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