A
female
age
30-35,
*ager1234
writes: I've had a relationship with a guy for about a year and a half now, we have never actually called eachother " boyfriend, girlfriend" but when him and I are on good terms, he doesn't mess with other girls and I don't mess with other guys. We have sex, but we also go out to movies, bowling, dinner etc. Unfortunately we argue a lot about dumb little things. But besides that, the biggest problem is , , he literally will be perfect one day, everything. Going great, and the next I don't hear from him. Things will go good for a week, then I don't hear from him, etc. His friends and people who know us refer to me as his girl, we act like were together when were around eachother, someone who didn't know us would never know we weren't actually labeled, it just hasn't been " official". I have heard he's talked about it with his friends at times, making it " official". The one time i have brought it up, and straight up asked why it isn't official, we both had been drinking and he told me he was scared. All of his friends tell me he talks about me all the time, more than he has about any other girl, and they all say they can tell he loves me. He tells my friends how much he cares about me..and how everything he says to me is true but I don't know what to believe. We are on good terms one day, everything is perfect and the next he might act like I don't exist.he's fought my ex boyfriend that treated me bad. When were out together with friends he's very loving..always hugging me and kissing me. He can be very sweet.There are so many things that he's done that make it look like he cares then he will not talk to me out of nowhere. Hes.the type of guy who shows his feelings to no one. Acts like he doesn't care about anything and he's very stubborn and cocky...he's got a big ego. He's opened up to me lotta times when he's been drinking..and he's not always drunk..but I feel like he just can't open up without a little alcohol bc of the type of person he is. He also is the type of guy who has had a lot of girlfriends but once he's done with them he's done....hes came back to me for a year. He gets upset anytime my ex boyfriend is brought up by our friends. Basically one day were perfect and the next he could be ignoring me. He loves me then he doesn't call or answer me. And I know that the sex has nothing to do with it bc he doesn't always get it when he chooses to do things with me and a lot of the things he's said he doesn't need to say to get it and he knows that. I am so confused and I don't know what to think or do with all these mixed signals that are supposedly bc he is scared. This has been an issue for awhile, and recently during one of our arguements I was with his friends, he wasn't there, and I had sex with a guy that some of his friends are friends with. He found out and was really mad. I admitted it and said it was a mistake , he asked how it happened and why I did it, he was really upset, and for the first time he showed it in front of everyone. He said he was gonna beat the kids ass. I ended up getting him to make up with me, he said we were made up but he was still mad about it. We ended up having sex that night. Talked the next few days some but things weren't the same. A week later a friend of his had a party planned that I had been invited to a while ago, he randomly texted me the night of, after we hadn't spoke in a few days, and told me that it wasn't happening. I told him I wasn't planning on going anyways. Later that night I found out from someone else that the party did happen, and they over heard him talking to one of my friends about how bad he wanted to fuck her friend. This was a week after he found out I had sex with one of his friends , friends. So I found out that they were all over eachother through whole night. Him and I haven't spoke amd idk what to do! :(
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female
reader, jager1234 +, writes (18 May 2011):
jager1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes. He has had a bad relationship in the past. His parents are still together. But he's still running around with this new girl and it's been a week or so. I really want to text him and tell him exactly how I feel but I'm afraid. I'm also worried about spilling everything and making an ass out of myself and the new girl hearing that I'm trying to get him back. I'm stubborn. ahhh
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Ok what a mess you have gotten yourself in to. Ok well it is quite obvious that he is scared of commitment, there must be some underlying reason why he doesnt want to commit himself in a relationship, obviously he fears of getting hurt or being tied down. What is his past like, has he ever been hurt badly by another girl or cheated on? Also are his parents still together and do they have a healthy relationship? I guess this guy just needs to get over his commitment fears before he goes through life not allowing anybody to get close to him. I do believe that he loves you and cares about you a lot and I guess he goes hot and cold with you because he doesnt want to get hurt and that is why he pulls back sometimes. But I guess it has hurt him that you slept with this other guy and I bet he has built a wall even higher now so whatever chances you had of getting in to his head they will be gone now. I really dont know what advice I can give you hear because I do believe the damage has been done and it will be hard to get past this. But I guess the only thing that you can do now is talk to him. If you dont want to meet up with him well then write a letter or email and tell him exactly how you are feeling. Explain to him why you slept with this guy and tell him exactly how you feel about him and how much you want to be with him, but tell him after all this time you want to be able to call him your boyfriend but that you know he has commitment issues but that you cannot wait around forever. Also tell him how much you miss him. Hopefully this might trigger something in his brain and make him realise that he does not want to lose you. Good Luck.
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