A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. Ive today found out im pregnent the test says 3+ weeks.The thing is the father is my ex who i have slept with once he also has a gf well engaged to he also has a one yr old with her we slwpt together when they where having problams and had split up which now bk together. But i really want this baby yeah wasnt planned but i do want it. Ive told him i am pregnent and he got really nasty with me saying i dont care bout him, how im selfish and would ruin his life. And told me to get rid of it. He says i cant afford it he would loose his home kid and all family if i kept it and that he would not help me in any way and would never speak to me again.I said to him id get rid of the baby thats what hear wanted to hear but i have second thoughts i do want this baby bit cant have him out of my life i dont no what to do for best he said he told me to get rid cuz he does care and one of his closest friends what do i do need a lot of help on this xxxx
View related questions:
engaged, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): hey girl! just want you to know you have a choice in this. me basically i understand your situation and its really not fair for you to indure a pregnancy and raise a child alone. but if you keep the child i promise you wont regret it but having an abortion is something you will more than likely play in your mind forever. always wondering what if? yes you will have a ton more responsibility but you will always have someone to love you no matter what and wont leave you like a low down man...
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 August 2011):
 Well if you dont want the abortion then dont do it - it is not worth living your life with that kind of regret.
But make sure you are prepared for what you are letting yourself in for:
1. You will be a single mum. Your ex is not going to be around for this kid or for you - it is going to be 100% up to you to raise the child, care for him/her without anyone to help, you will have very little financial support and you will probably stuggle to meet men in the future as not many men like dating women who already have kids.
2. Lack of financial support. Legally the father of the child has to pay maintencance, however I'm not sure of the legalities if he doesnt have enough money to cover the payments. There is a chance that you might get no money from him for a long time, so you will have to be financially independent
3. The child will not have a father. Your ex has made this clear - if you keep it he wants nothing to do with it - and that is his choice, yes it is sad that the child will not have a father but you cannot force a man to have a child he doesnt want. If you choose to keep it then that is YOUR choice, not his so he doesnt have to be involved when he has made it clear what he wants.
4. You are not getting your ex back if you have his kid. He is engaged to another woman and already has a baby with her - he has his family, he doesnt want to have a family with you. Dont think that because you are having his child that he will come running back and will declare his undying love for you - he doesnt want to be with you or the child, he is not leaving his family for you. So dont use having a baby as a way of getting him back - it really wont work.
I'm sure there are going to be many more obstacles you will face as a single mum, but those are the main four that will really cause you problems. So think carefully and make sure you truly are prepared for what is ahead - but at the end of the day, it is your body and your decision, do whatever your heart tells you to do.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, empty-1  +, writes (2 August 2011):
If you want the baby - keep it. An abortion is an incredibly painful (emotionally) experience that you don't want to have to live with if you don't have to.However, if you do keep the baby - cut the guy loose. Make it clear to him that you're going to have your baby, and that he can choose either to be a father or not. If he wants to see the child - ever - then he pays child support. If he doesn't want to see the child, then get it in writing, and don't take him to court for money.This guy made his feelings about the issue clear. He doesn't want a child with you. The two of you messed up and had sex during an emotionally troubled time. You made the decision every bit as much as he did, and you both have a say in how to deal with the repercussions of the situation. Being that it's your body the child will grow in, you do get final authority on the decision, however, until the test, neither of you knew there was a decision to make, and neither of you took that possibility into account when in your dramatic emotional moment, you got naked together. Since that time, you've discovered that the potentiality is realized, and that pregnancy did indeed result. It's decision time. You both made the desicion to have sex, neither of you took into account the potential ramifications. You both have equal say in how to deal with those ramifications. Since he can't force you to go with his decision on the way forward, you need to either honor his request, or make sure that your decision to override his decision does not further trample his right to the decision he made about the best solution.Again, there will be a lot of bashing and crap from the "it's your body your decision" and the "he should have thought of that before" crowds - but the truth is that you didn't think of it before any more than he did, and now he has made a decision about what he feels is the right path forward for him, and is both legal and medically possible. If you feel strongly enough to override that, then you should not add insult to injury and force him to financially support your decision to completely disregard what he wants for his life.He should, on the other hand pay for half of the proceedure, and all of the recovery - including supportive therapy. If you do decide to abort, tell him that those are non negotiable conditions of the decision, and you'll have it in writing or you'll have the baby.It bears repeatng, however, that you really want to think long and hard about this - abortion will leave its emotional scars on you for years to come.For all of those who will tell you I'm wrong, and that he should pay child support - how would you respond if she were dead set on an abortion and he were begging her not to...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): Dont abort it if you are already having second thoughts it makes it much worse and harder to emotionally heal from. If you choose to keep the baby then dont let the father in its life. Yes I agree all children deserve their father but its apparent that he doesnt want the baby and the baby doesnt deserve a father that doesnt want it. If you decide you cant provide for it i urge u to consider adoption. Its a wonderful gift to give. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 If you do choose to have the baby you are going to have it for you and not involve him in it cause it's just going to cause fireworks. Be aware that having a baby is really really really hard work and even though it can be done on your own it's hard. I would suggest some therapy to help you get your head around this as it's a lot to take in on your own. Are you close with your mother? Can you talk to her about it?
...............................
|
