A
male
age
30-35,
*ark11223344
writes:I've been meeting and texting a girl I work with for the past 5 months we've slept together and are great when were together however I've tried telling her that I have strong feelings for her and I would really love to be 'in a relationship' with her but she says she's not ready for anything serious as she was engaged and in a 6 year relationship previous. I feel like I'm being used. Should I stop speaking to her or try and hang on until she is ready?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): No, don't hang around until she's ready to date again with the hope that you'll be the guy she chooses.
The "I'm not ready for a relationship" line (when it comes is from somebody you're already sexually active with) is not infrequently a more polite way of saying "I like you. I like sleeping with you and would like to be able to continue doing that with you but you are not a person I want to commit to - ever"
If you are developing feelings for her, I think it may be time to step back. To stop yourself from getting hurt
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 I wouldn't say she is "using" you as it sounds like she's (commendably!) been upfront about not wanting commitment. She probably figures that since you keep coming back for the free no-strings sex, the status quo is, if not what you really want then at least something you're okay with.
I don't think you necessarily have to stop speaking to her, but if the arrangement you have has become more trouble and heartache than it's worth you should be honest with her about that. "Jane, I've enjoyed our time together, but I want a more serious relationship than you're prepared to offer and I think it's best we go our separate ways."
If she has any deeper feelings for you, this would be the point at which she might reconsider her position. But it's probably best to prepare yourself for the possibility that things will be over between you.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): If I were you I'd just move on. Your being used & gonna end up getting hurt. That's not right in any way & needs to stop. I hope things work out & if not then you'll find somebody
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