A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I were together for about 20 months. Both women. She broke up with me recently and blind sided me. Never saw it coming. Truth be told, I don't really think she did, either. During the conversation it happened in, she at first kept saying she did NOT wish to break up. Then as the conversation progressed, it turned into that she thought she DID need to break up. As you can imagine, the conversation was all over the board. By the time we got off the phone, I was left so confused as to what had just happened to me/us, that I felt in complete emotional turmoil. I tried to contact her the next day to gain some clarity about the situation and some actual understanding. Just the day before it happened, we were fine. And even during the beginning of the break up conversation, we were fine, too. lol. I just couldn't wrap my brain around it. I called and she was nowhere to be found. Just flat out like I didn't exist. That's basically where we are now. It's been a while since we broke up and I never really even got to understand why. I'm harboring a lot of anger and resentment at how she left me and I want to let it go. But I don't feel like I deserved how she ended the relationship. I'm all for no contact, but damn. Feels like she just spun me around, dropped on my head, and then disappeared. I have always used no contact to move on. But I've never been left so high and dry and coldly before utilyzing it. I've always had talks before hand in any of my serious relationships and we always respected each others feelings. Anyway, I just want to let go of this anger, but I feel wronged and disrespected. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): You are experiencing grief. There are several stages of grief (you can look them up in more detail on the internet) and people need to work through the stages before they can reach the final stage which is "acceptance"Anger is one of these stages and it's a normal reaction. It's unpleasant but one of those things that has to be worked through.Going no contact is a good thing for getting over relationships, even though it means we don't always get the answers we're looking for. Sometimes exes can't give us the answers we're looking for.Distraction is usually the best way of keeping negative emotions at bay and, if you're feeling angry, physical exercise is a great way of channelling this into some thing more positive. So get jogging or punching or lifting or take up yoga.Spend some time reconnecting with friends and family. Do something for yourself - take a little holiday, buy some new clothes, get a make over, redecorate your bedroom.Take up a new hobby (or rekindle your interest in an old one) Join a group so you can make some new friends.It takes time to get over a break-up. You don't say exactly how long ago it was except that it was "a while". If it's been well over 6 months however, it might be time to consider some counselling and/or antidepressants.I'm sorry. I know it's horrible
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 July 2014):
 My guess is that she was hiding something from you and just took the coward's way out. She couldn't work up the nerve to tell you and simply moved on.
I would have a ritual cleansing of her from your life. Set up a little safe place to burn stuff, or shred it, and go through a mourning ritual. Maybe get some other close friends to support you. Basically hold a funeral for the relationship, in the way someone who was lost at sea or in a sudden accident will never be found, the survivors have to create their own closure. Treat it that way.
I expect when you do find out the truth in a few years, you'll be so over it that you won't even care to learn the real reason other than as a footnote to a diary entry.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (7 July 2014):
There is usually always a disgusting reason behind surprise breakups so don't hold your breathe for the truth. And don't hope for a gentle reason like someone needing time for themselves. Grab yourself some tissues, junk food and a comedy flick because even if she comes back, she wont be the same.
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