A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner has moved out our home 3 months ago after 5 years together. At the moment he is living with his parents. He says he needs time and space and I know it is no point to make him stay or beg him. I said I understand and agree to let him go, but I think he finds it a bit surprise that I agree. I didn’t contact him much, only necessary things like bills, etc. During the first month I cried and cried and feel so lonely. Now I’m getting on with my life, but I do still feel a bit sad though. His mum was telling me that he cried too and stays in his old room a lot, hardly sees his parents. Ever since he moved out and guess what? He is still coming round my home nearly every day. What does it mean and why he is doing that? I thought he needs time and space!!! I asked him if he still got feelings for me and he said yes. I did suggest about going for counselling and he has thought about it too but nothing is further at this stage. So ... I’d love him to come back into my life again, but how do I get him back? What is the first step have I got to do? What am I expecting from the counsellor? Will they tell us how to make the first move or what? To be honest with you that I’m scared of getting back together and I don’t know what to expect nor will it work? I’m so confused and going through lots of emotional. I’d appreciate your advices. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): This is very brave of you. This is part of the healing process. Well done, you have started with the road to recovery. You can talk to us anytime.Be patient, your guy might need some time and space to absorb all this.
Keep going to the counseling, you will benefit from it.
Henry van Dyke said: "Happiness is inward, and not outward; so it does not ddepend on what we have, but on what we are".
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): We broke up is because he found out that I’ve been secretly spent money on things that I don’t need and didn’t tell him. The reason I have doing that is because I was the victim of domestic violence when I was married. He was aware of it, but I didn’t telling him that it was more than that. That’s why I couldn’t say it as I’ve kept it for 10 yrs. I was ashamed or scared to tell him or anyone. I’d find it difficult to open up about abuse but it needs to be right time.
Until 2 weeks ago I got in touch with the victim support at last, which I should have done it ages ago, but I didn’t. She was very helpful and understands my situation when I explained my problems relating money/debt/secret/hidden etc from my partner. She asked me why I feel to do that. I said because I want something to makes me feel special. She said that these are all normal ways for me to develop what has happened to me. Also, she said that my past triggered these problems that I have been trying to block them off for so long and she felt that it has been too long not to have talked about the past and that has affected my emotions/health. I told her that I don’t know where to start/how to tell my partner about my past. She suggested that I should write him a letter to explain about my past, which I did last week. Up to date I have not heard from him yet. Why has he not been in touch with me?
I felt so secretive and ashamed about the whole things that I haven’t been able to talk about it. I’ve taken the 1st step in telling someone and I feel that my shoulders have been lifted off now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): After been with him for 5 years you should be able to speak to him openly. Ask him to go with you for counseling.
You don't mention why you broke up, but I imagine that after 5 years it must have been something serious, so maybe you should give him time and space, but no harm in doing counseling.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (22 October 2008):
 Hard to say. We're not in your relationship.
But it sounds like your guy wants out, feels guilty, and thats why he still comes round. He's also used to being with you, so is struggling to make the adjustment to not being there. The habit thing. Hence the reason he still comes round.
If he wont go to counselling its because he's already made his mind up. It would drag out the process. Ive been in a similar situation as him.
He knows you want him, but he wants out. And feels bad. Counselling is fruitless.
All that is a guess just going on what you have put, and could be well off the mark. Only he can answer it.
C xxxxx
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