A
female
age
30-35,
*arghgaafar
writes:Early last year I met an eighteen year-old boy. It was amazing. He was gorgeous, absolutely adorable and just the nicest person I had ever known. It was amazing. We really hit it off from the start, and I just loved every minute of it. We were never officially "dating," but we were very, very close.Since early this year, it has all changed. We have had many arguments, and I always feel uncomfortable and weird whenever I'm around him. I found out he had sex with a girl I know, and this really upset me. All my friends say I should ignore him, but I just can't. All he really wants is sex, and me, being a virgin, am not ready. And even though I know all he wants is sex, I still feel there's a reason to talk to him and try and become closer to him.I don't know what to do. Shall I carry on knowing him? And shall I carry on trying to make him like me even more? Or shall I just not talk to him ever again? Help! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): I agree.
You say you still have feelings for him and want to get close to him, but what does that really justify? Nothing.
Thinking that being attracted to someone justifies getting involved with them is teenage.
Mature adults who have already burned themselves with some painful relationships realize that there's more to it than this. They know they have to exercise some brainpower and overrule their emotions sometimes.
If you get serious with this guy, your feelings aren't just going to turn off as soon as you decide he's not good for you. You'll eventually get tired of being hurt by him, you'll want to move on . . . but your feelings for him WON'T JUST GO AWAY as soon as your brain knows they need to. Emotional attachment is a powerful thing, and it can be dangerous if it's not handled correctly.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Stay true to yourself whatever you do.
There is no reason you can't be friends with him if he respects that you just don't want sex yet/with him/ever. He is at least honest about what he wants.
Just don't think you can change him.
Why do you want to talk to him and get closer to him? Do you think you can "cure" him? Forget about that.
If you are in "love" with him then be careful, he wants you for sex and frankly that is most likely ALL he wants from you. Not even you specifically, just anything in a skirt.
This is often very hard to accept especially for women. If you give in to him or even try to make him love you I can predict your next post.
"Help I gave my bf my virginity and now he dumped me for another".
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A
female
reader, rarghgaafar +, writes (11 June 2008):
rarghgaafar is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just so you know, Dr. John, I'm not saving my virginity for after marriage, I just feel I am not ready at this point in time.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 First let me applaud you for your virginity. In this day and age it is a rare person indeed who saves their virginity for their marriage.
You already know his motives for dating or being with the opposite sex. You said it yourself, all he wants is sex.
I'm sorry to say, if you continue to persue this guy you will only bring yourself pain and heartache. There is also the DANGER that he could lose control and force himself on you.
Please think of yourself and your safety and forget this guy. It may be a tough thing to do but you will be better off in the long run. Doc
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