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I'd like to know who "I am" to her.

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Question - (8 March 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 8 March 2009)
A male United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I've been seeing a great girl for a few months now. But we have an.... unusual relationship. Our relationship is open and I know from time to time she sees other guys. I'm free to see someone else but I only see her.

I've made one of those classic guy mistakes, I think. I've told her exactly how I feel about her and have basically put all my cards on the table. She on the other hand is often....well.... Sometimes she tells me how I'm the best guy she's ever met, how she is closer to me than anyone else in the world. There was a time, before I told her how I feel about her, when she treated me like a king and there was no reason for it. She would go out of her way to talk to me or see me or spend time with me.

But once I told her how I felt, over time her attitude has changed. She's often busy, takes my help and kindness for granted, just basically makes me feel sometimes like I'm just another face. But then when I start to get fed up, something I think she can sense, it's back to treating me like the love of her life.

She knows who she is to me, I'd like to know who I exactly am to her. Is this a question I can ask? Or is it putting her on the spot and being too confrontational for her to answer honestly if at all.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009):

Of course you can ask, how else will you know? Doesnt sound to me like she is too forthcoming with details. And no you did not make a mistake by telling her your feelings! Can you imagine if you were keeping all that inside? It sounds to me like she may be confused about her feelings and maybe even nervous to 'settle down'. What you should do is sit down with her and have a long talk about where your relationship is going. Tell her how you feel and then listen to her and hear her out. You cant really make any kind of informed decision without that talk! Best of luck.

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