| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I would like to get married again but I am afraid of all the diseases out there. My stepsister was a nice person with two kids and when she came up to visit she seemed really happy and was going back to school. She stayed not to far from my dad's house so I got to see her often. My dad use to go to see her mom in the city and one night my stepsister's husband was there and they introduced me to him and I am good at picking up bad vibes about people. I didn't like him. Anyway, my dad got married and there were some problems, I was 15 at the time and rebellious after losing my mom at 11 years old. My stepsister was nice to me and she always listened to me when I was upset. One day my dad told me she was sick and had HIV. I was in shock. One day me, my sister, and my dad went to see her. She was divorced from her husband and had a new boyfriend. He took good care of her. When we saw her she was nothing but skin and bones. It broke my heart and my dad told me she caught it from her husband who had slept with a man. I hated him for taking her life. She didn't deserve that at all and when she died I spoke to her kids and they are just like her. I still think about her often. I became more afraid of men and dating.I wouldn't let any guy touch me. I went into therapy and it helped a little but I think if I ever meet aman now if would be afraid. Is there something wrong with me?
View related questions:
divorce, hiv Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (29 July 2013):
CMMP is absolutely right. There’s always a horror story. The truth is that what happened to your step sister is tragic and awful, but, although it must be cold comfort to you, also very rare. Also HIV is, increasingly, a chronic illness and far fewer people go on to develop AIDS from which they will die, for many years.
There’s just as much chance a man could be infected with a sexually transmitted disease from a female partner who at some point contracted it from an encounter with some-one else. Don’t be afraid of men, be afraid of anyone you don’t feel you can trust. You obviously judged that there was something amiss with her husband so you seem to have an eye for some-one who might spell trouble. What will help you is, yes, therapy, but also concentrating on first and foremost building a friendship with a man. That way you will learn to trust him before anything further happens. You can always request he gets tested, and be tested yourself, if you embark on a new relationship. A decent man wouldn’t mind especially given this terrible tragedy that has occurred within your family. Judge everyone as an individual, not all by one person’s standards.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, virginitee  +, writes (29 July 2013):
I had an immediat family die from the disease, also. I was scared, too.
I'm not sexually active, but I know that when I do start, I will be sure to use everything: diaphragms, birth control, (male) condoms, female condoms, dental dams, etc.
That way if you're being safe--every time--you have very little to worry about.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 July 2013):
Unfortunately, there's a horror story for every single aspect of life.
Ride a bus and it could drive off a cliff. A car could get hit by a drunk driver. An airplane crash into the runway. You could be hit by a car while walking. You could choke on your food. You could die from the flu.
You obviously need therapy, but you have to remember that these unfortunate events are the exception, not the rule. Take great care of yourself and don't ignore your (healthy) instincts when you're dating a man.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): You do not need to be afraid, you just need to trust in yourself. Listen to yourself and be guided, and allow yourself to 'know' when you meet a good man. You said you are good at picking up bad vibes about people, and that is a great gift for you. You will know if someone is not right for you, and you just have to follow your gut feeling on it. If in your heart of hearts, you know someone to be a good person, believe and trust in yourself, and go with it.Do not sleep with anyone till you know them well, then both of you get tests done, and again three months later. Be with someone who will be committed and faithful to you. You will know if you can trust them. Have the tests done, and don't sleep together till they have been fully done, and come out clear. You do not need to fear, you have a gift to guide you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): No there's nothing wrong with you.
You saw your step sister's misery in her health condition.
So most likely you will really get alarm and scared.
My advise for you is just be careful on dating and in choosing someone whom you will have intimate moments with.
For you never know how many multiple partners that someone might had in the past.
if a person had so many sex partners in their past, most likely they are prone to getting sexual diseases. I know that there is such thing as safe sex but its not 100% guaranteed safe. there is still a chance for you to get the disease if you had sex with someone who already have aids or std.
I'm sorry I think I'm adding fears to you.
Listen, I know that I'm not the best person to give you advice about love. Because I am not a fan of love stories.
However, I still believe that everybody deserves to get a happy love story. You will fall in love to the man of your dreams and maybe someday, marry him.
What happens to your sister, serves as a lesson. Not just for you but for me and for everybody. But what happened to her doesn't mean will also happen to you.
Her fate is not your fate. Just be careful, don't go out with cheaters. Avoid womanizer. Always Practice safe sex.
The good thing is, you are aware of the consequences.
Pray to God for his guidance. I will also pray for you and your sister.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): First of all , I would advice going keep on going to therapist. There are deffinitely diseases out there, but you can't live your life begin affraid of everything. Italsosounds like your stepsister died awhile ago when AIDs education was not as good as now,a and treatments also. People now know that they need tomprotect themselves. The rate of AIDs is still much higher in gay men than of hetersexual people, also this desease although doesn't discriminate but prevailing among minorities percentage wise.
Get a boyfriend, get both tested and if you are monogamous, what are the chances of you getting sick?
People die more of heart attacks and getting hit by a car these days. Anything can happened but to live being always affraid is very harmfull to anyone.
...............................
|
