A
male
age
41-50,
*mad khan
writes:This is the third question I've posted. I was in a four year relationship which ended nearly 2 years ago. I'm basically over it...but it's taken me THAT long. I believe I've really grown. The only thing is, I've noticed something really strange about myself. I'm almost afraid of women that I'm even moderately attracted to...or if a woman seems attracted to me, I find myself running in the other direction, with my heart pounding madly. I feel lonely, and I'd like to find that special person, but paradoxically...i guess I'm scared. I know if i continue like this I'll probably be alone forever... One of my friends at work even remarked that when she approached me, I would unconciously take a step backwards. I didn't even realize it!!! I feel as if my heart has been damaged, and may not ever be repaired. Part of me also thinks I'll spend the rest of my life alone. The other day, a girl kinda looked at me and smiled...i got so nervous I crossed the street...and she even seemed exactly my type! Maybe its a trust issue aswell. I don't know what to do. Any advice?Thanks!
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male
reader, Somethingeasy  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Yeah I can say Im in the same boat. I got out of a horrid relationship a few years ago. It took me tons of time to get out of that relationship. It has left me pretty damaged, but through time I have healed. I have found myself slowly but surely falling into the dating scene again. One of my biggest fears is having a repeat again. Its only natural, you live and you learn
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): I know what you mean. Sometimes when I'm walking somewhere, and a guy is walking towards where he is going, I, when nearing him, will sometimes move a certain distance away when I get at that point. Sometimes such actions are normal-giving someone space to get by, but other times they are motivated from fear/mistrust. (As we both know.) Maybe you need anxiety meds. If you feel that you are not into the meds. or therapy thing, I'd suggest facing your fear. No guts no glory. I've been going out with someone now who got very impatient with my mannerisms, but now he seems to have mellowed out and we talk about things. Hey, maybe if you get a gf, you could possibly even get an excuse for your fear of other women. "Oh I acted that way cos I thought you were interested, and I have a gf." You get what I'm saying?
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A
female
reader, autumnleaves07  +, writes (30 January 2008):
I think it's natural to be scared, especially if you've been with someone for a long time. I too have just come out of a 4 year relationship, and although it was much more recent, I still have problems even looking guys in the eyes. I think you need to start doing things for you, to make yourself feel more confident in your own skin. It's the hardest thing in the world, but you have to look back at your last relationship, and be brutally honest about it - the good things and the bad. When you've done that, let go, and think about things you can do in your next relationship to make things easier. Why not try internet dating, that way you can get to know the person a little bit before actually having to meet them face to face?
Hope this helps, I am sure you will find happiness.
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A
female
reader, nazg  +, writes (30 January 2008):
Well...I understand what you are feeling. To me, the most important thing is that eventhough life can be tough and you have suffered a lot, in the end the most valuable thing you have is yourself! I tell you because I have been through some pretty serious things and in the end I am always left with myself. I believe you have to truly see that you are wonderful. You are all you need and who wouldn't fall for you!? Don't be scared of women, you have to feel and believe that you are a strong confident person. You are perfectly fine by yourself, no need to be involved with anyone. That way, once you are, you will be together because you want to, not because you need to. So, get out there! Show your confident, strong self....because that is what will make you attractive. Next time you see someone you're attracted to, know that she can fall for you if you want her to. Know that its your choice!
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