A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys,Thanks for taking the time out to read this...Basically about 3 months ago, I found myself in a situation where a girl I know was coming to the end of a relationship with her boyfriend. We used to speak to each other every night out we saw each other and the main one which was the game changer was she called me up around 2 am one night to come and meet her out, after a little persuasion I did.Her friends ended up leaving the club as did mine and we ended up together, we left too a little time later and she took me aside and sat me down and we ended up chatting for fora little while before she kissed me. At this point she still had a boyfriend but a few days later they broke up for good.The few weeks following that we ended up in a fwb situation. Now fast forward to about a month ago things broke down a little because I ended up sleeping with someone else and she found out. She told me she wasn't bothered but that we weren't sleeping together again, but from her tone you could tell she was pissed. I was away with work for 3 weeks at this time which made it even harder to sort. We did however manage to 'fix' what happened and agreed to go back to fwb when I got back home.When I did get back to town things went weird again and she told me that it had all gotten too serious and she needed time to think about things (as she didn't want a bf so soon after her break up). She ended up ignoring my last message so I took the hint and left it at that.About a week later she messaged me telling me she still wanted to be my friend and stuff. I said I wasn't really interested in being friends due to what we had before that. We ended up getting into an argument and we stopped speaking again, I apologised the next day but we didn't speak for a bit over a week.Again, she messaged me out of the blue asking me if I was on a night out, which I wasn't and she then asked me if we were okay. I ignored it.Another week passed and she saw me on a night out and asked for a chat so we did. She again brought up being friends and said she missed talking to me. I basically said if we are friends we will speak on nights out and nothing more. The only people I speak to daily are my family, best friends and girls that I'm interested in, to which she obviously didn't like.We spoke for about a week but it wasn't ideal as it was just chit chat, nothing behind it like it used to be and I just felt it was pointless. I tried to move on by speaking to someone else but for some reason, the original girls friends took it upon their self to tell this new girl that I was 'in love, obsessed and never stopped messaging' this original girl. Of course none of which was true.So I messaged her asking why her friends tried to ruin it for me. Which she replied she had no idea of and said she told her friends off because she knows it's not true also. She asked why I was mad at her which I ignored then the next day she asked if we were still friends.I was growing tired of it by this point and was out with a friend so I said speak another time. She then told me I could pick her up from work to chat.We were out for about 4 hours and the conclusion was I said there is no point speaking to each other all week to go on on a night out and get with someone else, because it's wasting both of our time. She also said that she still didn't want a bf, but she would let it get serious between us but it's just the wrong time.After that meeting and up until this day, we have been speaking and meeting up since. It has been going great to be fair and also healthy sex life. I just can't help but have doubts in my mind because I have been stung in this situation with another girl and I know it hurts like fuck when it doesn't work out. Another thing that worries me is I'm in the army and I'm going away for 2 months in the near future and I'm anxious of what the deal is going to be when I'm away.I would be interested on an outsiders view of this situation and how they judge it by what has already happened and what they think could possibly happen further down the line. The ideal situation for me would be to end up dating this girl. She has already told me she would get into a relationship with me it's just not the right time but I don't know whether that is 100% truthful as you'd think she would get into into a relationship if she wanted to or it genuinely is too soon .anyways I know it's a long read but i look forward to responses. Please ask if there's anything additional you would like to know.Thank you
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 January 2015):
 If you started out with blurred boundaries, then it will keep it that way. Sure some fwbs would turn into relationships but I won't bank my luck on that. The only difference between fwbs and serious relationship is that when you sleep with someone else you aren't cheating and you can't be angry in front of your fwb. Otherwise it's the same feelings and same kind of attachment. The same kind of hurt as in serious relationships. The only thing good coming out of FWB maybe she rebounded and got a distraction from the breakup. After the FWB arrangement ends she still has to deal with the sense of emptiness.
In general, girls and guys deal with long distance in a different way. For a guy, it's more likely distance makes the heart grow fonder but for a girl (especially one who started FWB) it's out of sight out of mind. Once you are a rebound you are locked down in that status.
I know that people who are involved with FWBs are humans with feelings too and they want to be respected. The heart finds it hard to respect someone who settles with FWBs if you want to make it further. While F buddies are treated as disposable individuals FWBs are just a step better than that.
I believe courtship is important and seeing each other at their best. The whole process of impressing the other. If not about career, ambitions, then at least the desire to make the other happy and make it official soon.
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