A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:After 20+ years I have finally acknowledged to myself that I am in love with my best male friend - actually my best friend. In all of those years, we have never shared any sexual encounters and I believe this is because we know each other so well and know that to do so without a commitment would end our friendship. I tell him practically everything, except for how I feel about him. . . the intimacy that we have now; if he isn't in love with me, then I don't want to make him feel weird and possibly lose the intimacy that we have. Ideally, I'd like to clone him and have one of him as my man/spouse and the "other" of him as my best friend. I told him this. Is it possible for me to continue to love him as we are, or will I eventually want more and mess things up? Better yet, is it possible that he already knows, since he knows me so well anyway?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): Well, I was in your situation recently, but as the male.
You don't mention your current situation, but I assume it is single? Like you, there wrere no sexual encounters, but some hand holding, hugs, consoling, that kind of thing.
So, you worry...you say you have told him everything but how you feel about him and worry that you will make him feel weird about the whole thing if he does not love you.
I say take the risk..tell him. I finally told my lady friend what I really felt about her--I felt boxed into the situation as she had started to date, etc and I felt it was time to confess to the feelings I had for her. Unfortunately for me, the love was not reciprocal. Yes, she loved me as a friend, but not as a potential partner--claimed the chemistry was not there. Funny how the chemistry is there for a 15 year friendship, but not for more than that.
Such is life..was I happy about her answer--no, but I suppose I was relieved that at least I had the courage to say exactly how I felt and that all the cards were on the table. Are we still friends? So far yes, but time will tell.
I don't regret finally confessing my feelings...even though it did not turn out as I wanted, at least the uncertainty about the whole thing had consumed me.
Take a chance on it...you never know what his reply will be.
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