A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 23 and she is 37! We first meet each other in a social website and after we exchanged some messages and chat we agreed to see each other as friends, not for a dating purpose. I found her very attractive and nice but it has taken some time for us to reconnect and for her to agree for us to hang out. The first time we meet we had a really nice time and good chemistry. After that we meet two other times and still really good times.. We have hung out many times, mostly at her home but we also went to a birthday party with her friends which was a blast. She is funny, worldly, a sharp dresser and does not look her age. I really like her; she seems to be aware of this fact, I think she likes me as well however she is very non-committal. Her daughter may have a problem with us hanging out together. I'd love to go more than friendship with her. So I guess I am looking for any advice which will help me to continue to enjoy her company. Any tips??I'm not sure of her reaction. She looks happy when is with me and we laugh a lot, but i'm confused if she's interested in me in a romantic way or is just between friends. I was thinking to ask her out, but i'm not afraid of rejection rather than loosing even the good friendship we have. What is your opinion? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 At your age that is quite a big gap. You might work as friends, but in a relationship it more than likely would cause problems that you are both at different stages of life. My guess is that is why she said she just wants to be friends.
If you really want to ask her out then go for it, if she says no then you can still be friends. It might be awkward for a bit but you will both get over it. You need to remember that she has a lot more life experience than you and probably does not see herself settling down with someone so young. It sounds from your post that she does not want to settle down at all.
You mention that she has a daughter that probably wouldn't be pleased. How do you feel about that? Are you responsible enough to date someone with a child?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2016): To be honest I never believe that there ever is platonic love between two adults of the opposite sexes. It is either love from one side or love on both sides.When the love is one sided the other side call it platonic which is the nice way to say no love.I also suggest you ask her if she is interested to take up your friendship to a higher level.If she is interested she will accept, if not she will decline and probably that will be the end of your friendship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2016): I think she has set the pace things should move along, and hasn't had the chance to decide how she feels about you. You are younger and less patient, typical of millennials. She is taking her time, and this is an indication of wisdom, patience, and experience. She met you online, and doesn't know very much about you.
If she has made no romantic overtures towards you; perhaps she loves your company and companionship; but she's taking her time to decide how she feels about you otherwise. If you feel you're being strung-along, it's up to you to end further contact with her. She seems distant, and it took a long time to reconnect. Keep in mind she has a job and a child to raise.
You only assume she is non-committal, because she has not committed to you. Let her get to know more about you, take your time, and follow her lead. You are charmed by her, but she is experienced enough to know not to rush things and to take time to allow your connection to develop into something more than some kind of whirlwind romance. Even if this isn't the method behind her madness at all, it should be yours.
Keep your cool. She has spent time with you in controlled social situations; and often this is to test the reactions of her friends and acquaintances slowly. It's not easy presenting a date who's closer to your daughter's age than your own. I assume her daughter is a teen or a tween.
If you met on a dating site, it is established in her profile the type of relationship she is looking for. She did agree to meet you, she did not agree to be your girlfriend after a few dates with you. You're probably still under evaluation, and she may also be conflicted due to the age difference. Her daughter may also have some limited influence on her decision. As a single mother, how her child feels about who she dates is also important. Though it shouldn't be the only consideration.
If you feel she has friend-zoned you; you can explain that you're looking for more than a friend, and move on. You can't force people to feel what you want them to feel, nor should you pressure or rush anyone's feelings towards you.
Wisdom has taught me that the faster people fall for you, the faster they can reverse those feelings. That's too impulsive. Good chemistry develops and grows with time. Maybe she has learned this as well.
Ask her out. If you're not mature or man enough to handle rejection; then maybe you should work on that. You need some proof she is attracted to you in a romantic way, before you get too attached. My sense is that she isn't moving fast enough or as aggressively as you want her to.
Don't pretend you'll settle for friendship, if you really want more than that. You'll only end-up frustrated, hurt, and jealous if she chooses to see other men. Single parents can't afford to let themselves be impulsive or emotionally irresponsible while in the dating pool. Their decisions effect more than their own emotions.
If things should progress, as a single-parent, you're also considering who could potentially be a step-parent or co-parent of your child. She can't just have men in and out of her life. It sets a poor example for her daughter.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (3 October 2016):
 You can ask a 'what if' question eg 'What would you say if I were to ask you out for a meal?'
She might decline but also might go away and think about it. Don't pressure her. If she changes her mind she will find away to reconnect.
Of course she might just say yes. The only problem then is where to go. Choose somewhere where you can linger and have a conversation. Nothing fast food. Put some thought into it and find out her likes and dislikes and any dietary preferences.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2016): Just ask her out ! Nothing to lose, even if she says no you can still be friends. Its no biggie.
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