A
female
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anonymous
writes:After only 4 dates, but numerous messages and phone calls, we slept together. Everything is just SO perfect. This guy is truly amazing! I'm 54 years old, and feel like a love sick teenager, I'm falling for him, although trying to hold back and slow things down. I know it's all exciting and new, but really, should I be feeling like this after just 5 dates? How can I slow it down without upsetting him, I'm strongly sensing that he is feeling the same about me, I love it but YIKES!!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAww guys, thanks for your replies and advice. You confirm what I know already , however just need that reassurance now and again. Yes ,I want this to last, so, hence I'm trying to slow it down, when really, I should enjoy the ride and go with the flow. But, yes like so many of us, been hurt and alone so long, it's amazing to have attention and fun, but, yes the wall is up, and I am naturally wary.
Thank you for your support xx
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 You are probably a bit worried now that you have slept together that it will all go pear shaped. My guess is you want to slow it down so that you don't fall head over heals and get hurt.
You are not a teenager, you know how you are feeling. Go with the flow. You have nothing to lose. Enjoy every minute off dating this guy, if you are both on the same page then great. Try not to stress or worry, just enjoy yourself and make the most from your life. Allow yourself to be happy don't build up a wall. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2016): The feeling of excitement and attraction is an indication of good chemistry and passion. That doesn't need to be slowed-down, because they level-off naturally. What you do slow down is trying to define your feelings too early into a romantic connection, when people mistake lust for love.
Often you may hear the advice or suggestion to slow-down. Being more mature people, you naturally know how to dial-back your feelings based on your experience. You still have to pace your feelings; so yours do not get ahead of his, or the other way around.
Yes, people do move too fast and form whirlwind romances. Once things aren't as blissful as the first part of the romance; people often erroneously assume it has fizzled-out. Keep your expectations on a reasonable and mature level.
Fizzling-out usually occurs when you smother each other to death in desperate attention; trying too hard to define the romance, when you're just getting to know each other. Vigorously discussing the future, making premature plans for a relationship, before you're even sure of the present situation. Make sure you know every phase of his personality and all his moods. They can be faked and disguised. Especially his temper. Be sure you don't put on a facade for his benefit. He has to see the real you; so he can fall for the real you.
I always advise that you gauge how fast a relationship forges ahead. You have to lookout for scam-romances; or sudden turns in the other person's feelings. That's when somebody's feelings gets ahead of the other, and insecurity sets in. Or you discover Don Juan has half a dozen other females swooning over him all at the same time.
Make sure your personal assets never comes up in a conversation; and that you're not footing the bill on every date! Don't take any financial-investment advice from someone you're dating. A guy you met online (or anywhere else) should never borrow from you, or require you to offer him funding for any cause or emergency. That's a common online scam for mature financially-secure women.
All you need to do is curb your enthusiasm and let nature take its course. Don't accept "I Love You's" or marriage proposals in the heat of passion. Simply enjoy the heat of the moment. Stay realistic and realize that the momentum of a new relationship cannot remain at full-speed, and it is no indication that it is has burnt-out when the lovey-dovey emoji-laced text messages and wake-up/good-night messages start to lessen. If you want to slow down, just do it. You do not need his permission. Rushing you is only meant to confuse you. That's how control-freaks and narcissists fool women.
Be mindful of allowing your feelings to get ahead of you due to past loneliness, long dry-spells in dating; and be on the alert for player-behavior. Some guys are absolutely charming and know how to sweep a lady off her feet and flat on her back. You're thinking he's Mr. Wonderful and the good old-fashioned romantic; while he's just being a sly fox.
We are not taking the wind out of your sails, or suggesting you become paranoid. Just be careful. There is always a caveat when taking risks with the heart, and you want to make sure your head is as much in the game, as your emotions. You have to stay sober and not get totally carried away in the bliss of a new romance. It's easy to overdose on the pheromones and serotonin.
Enjoy! Just keep your wits about you to catch any deal-breakers or red-flags. As for worrying about how he feels about it, that's not the point. It's your heart and emotions you have to protect. He's a big-boy, he can handle his own.
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reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 October 2016):
 Why do you feel like you HAVE to slow down? Are you not exclusively dating? Are you afraid that if it goes "too fast" it will burn out fast too?
I think you need to identify what it is that makes you think you need to slow down.
Why not let it follow an organic path that works for both of you?
Now, I'm normally ALL for taking it slow. I think it's SO important that you KNOW the other person as you SLOWLY invest more emotions, time, effort and maybe even financially.
I just think slow is the SMART way to go. But I asked the initial questions as a "devil's advocate" kind of questions. Becuase there are times where slowing down doesn't make a difference. And there are other times where it's crucial. I think women (more than men) tend to overlook red flags the deeper they feel attached. Which can be a problem if you fall head over heals in no time for a guy you PERCEIVE as ONE person, but he really isn't who you think he is. (as and example - the reason he is single is because he is abusive, but he CAN maintain a sense of restraint of those issues in the beginning in the courtship, wooing phase where he seems like "the MOST amazing guy ever" - because he KNOWS how to fake it till the woman is hooked.) You know what I mean here?
Why not be honest with him? Tell him you ABSOLUTELY adore how it's going and moving along, but that you feel you want the two of you to be a marathon, not a sprint.
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