A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been with wife for 6 years ,but for the last three the sex has gone my wife has no sex drive ,she doesnt no why,if i bring it up im in the wrong or i get ok i do it,i dont want it like that at all so then im allways feeling rejected,i av said id go to the doctors with her,we still not gone.she goes out with freinds i make nice comments of how good she is looking,she put on a bit of weight what she is not liking, i think she is looking great.we av two great little boys,she has been on deppression tablets for bout two years on and off.i work 5 days a week when i come home i help by bathin the boys,washing up,cooking and anything else i can do.she allways saying she tired so i let her sleep,all i want is sex now and then and build on it,i love her dearley,the last thing id want is to leave her and my boys,im sure there is no other blokes involved,thank you if anyone can help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): I'm going to give you some advice based on a tragic personal expereince that ruined my marriage.
I felt exactly like you. I was married for over 10 years, and the sex life dwindled...more importantly, the intimacy, affection and just mutual connection. We compromised and conformed to an increasing number of things about each other we did not like. Sex was scheduled, routine and very unadventurous, unsexy and "biological"...just her getting me off and moving onto the next thing.
After many years of us trying to work on it ourselves (talking, date nights, etc), it didnt seem to be any better. I felt trapped and lost. I felt rejected. She became like a room mate. While I deeply loved her, the love was more like the love felt for a sister, not a wife.
I had an affair. It lasted several months and I could not bear the guilt so I told my wife. fast forward a year and the divorce papers just came through.
I lost a great relationship because we became disconnected and developed mutual resent over stupid stuff. She was in a depression because of her unhappiness and I went outside the marriage. We both failed.
I came to realize th elack of sex was a symptom of MANY years of bigger problems. You need to get to the root of those problems. If the sex has changed, it is because something has changed about your relationship. Depression meds can reduce libido, but my guess is there is something much deeper. Get to counseling before its all over. I'm not saying you will stray, but when relationships start to fall apart, you sometimes do anything to find hope or a new start. Be sure to work on what you already have before that happens. New starts are great, but when they rest on the heels of unfinished business, they become a burden on your soul. You will always wonder.."what if".
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): Since she doesn't seem the least bit interested in addressing the problem, you have a tough decision: live without it or move on. You can't fix this problem on your own. She has to work with you on it. If not, all the romancing in the world may get you a night here and there but the problem will always be there if the root cause isn't fixed (maybe it's the antidepressants, maybe she has some hormonal issue, psychological issue, etc.). If you're ready to move on, tell her that and maybe she will see the severity of the problem and agree to work on it. But if she still doesn't want to work on the problem, you have to be prepared to walk away from the marriage if this is that important to you. But don't be ashamed to consider this that important to you. It's a key part to a marriage and no one will fault you for wanting physical intimacy in your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): I don't understand what you ment by 'on and off'. Does that mean she takes it irregularly or she has been prescribed at more than 1 occasion.However if you are saying she has gained some weight along with reduced libido and tired or sleepy, then may be she is on a TCA(tricyclic anti depressant). . . My suggestion is 1. Do not stop the medicine by yourselves. 2.have your wife continue it and go to the doctor who prescribed it, explain about her libido. And ask if the medicine can be changed into another 1, you didn't explain the cause of her depression. Depression generally subsides on medication (but needs a longer course). But if it is still present after 2 year of medication, then may i ask if she takes the medicine regularly?
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 January 2011):
 hi
depression can totally kill someone's sex drive, certain antidepressants can also totally kill someone's sex drive, being young and finding yourself suddenly married with kids, house, husband and responsibilities can have a terrible effect on some people, is this why she is depressed or is there more to it?
the lack of sex drive is only a symptom. the real problem that needs to be sorted out is her depression
xx
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Sadly, anti depression pills will sap her sex drive. Hopefully she can get off of them and her sex drive will revive a bit. If possible, have her consult with her doctor to see if there is anything that can be done.
In addition, I think you may need to update your romance game. I know us guys sort of expect sex from our significant others, but perhaps you need to romance her a bit. Take her out to dinner (without the kids) -- treat one random like Valentine's day for her.
Finally, talk with your wife. Even though she isn't in the mood explain to her how you want to feel close to her and that it is hurting you that you cannot be with her. Hopefully she'll understand and meet you half way.
Good luck.
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