A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Money as the root of all evil?My husband and I have been happily together for 5 years. Six months ago we moved from the US to the country where he was born. Since then we have had some tensions, mainly from ironing out issues that we didn't have before (imagine starting all over at square one)and oh yeah, and we now live with his parents until 'we get out act together'. I was married before this, and have a child from that marriage. Now that we're getting adjusted over here, my husband suddenly declaired that he could not handle the financial strain on our marriage the flights for visitation to the biological dad would cause, and the cost of private schooling for my son who does not speak the language over here and has to go to an English school. That this would be a detriment to his own children in the future. Color me shocked. I had a FANTASTIC job in America in finance, making at least double the money he did. I cannot have that job over here in Europe, the qualifications are not the same. We discussed all of his obligations as primamry bread-winner before we came, something he never had to deal with before. We went through all of these scenarios BEFORE I sold all of my own personal belongings to come over here, child in tow. Now, after all of his assurances that he could handle it, he has cracked, and asked me to go back. He does not want to move back to America. After three days of pure torture and sonewalling me saying it was "over", I managed to break through and convince him to stick it out, that things would work out. He has been incredibly happy ever since, as if some weight has been lifted. Problem is, now I am the one with hesitations. Those three days of hell took everything out of me. I did the financial calcualtions and he is right, life will be very hard over here. He had sugar coated it a bit, to put bit mildly, before I got here. Now reality has set in, and although the money worries me, it is more my man's stability. I really don't want to go through life worried that at every months bills he freaks out, that once we have another child he resents me, or WORSE resents the child I already have for our financial situation. My child LOVES this man. Do I stay and worry that we will be blamed, that it will ruin my child? Do I leave and give up? I am so lost, please any advice! And when I speak of money troubles, lets just say I'd have to turn into a high priced call girl to afford the food for the month, let alone the mortgage!
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male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 Money isn't the root of all evil . . . it's the LOVE of money that is.
You've allowed yourself to be removed from the land of milk and honey, to another country, where things aren't so rosey. You have to decide . . . which is best for you and your son. Staying or returning? That is the question. I'm surprised the father of your son allowed you to leave the country with his son. I sure as hell wouldn't let my ex-wife leave with mine. But that's another issue.
You've weighed the pros and cons of staying. Only you can make the decision.
Good luck!
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