A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I've been struggling with this for a few years now I and just want your guys opinions. I was a freshman in high school I didn't have many friends and was really quiet. Well when I met...this guy I immediately wanted to get to know him. This pushed me out if my quiet state. Wanting to get to know him made me more talkative. Now ever since I met him I liked him. And even though I knew I would never ever like him I still did and still tried to get him to like me. We sat with each other at lunch. Except when he had a new love interest then he only hung out with me when it was convient of when they would break up. Anyways we texted almost everyday he was so nice and understanding. He had my complete trust. And when we hung out he always seemed happy. (To me at least) there were times where we would get into bad fights and it took me forever to get him to be my friend again. I spoiled him by taking him out to eat and buying him gifts for holidays etc. After knowing him for 2years I finally did stuff with him but didn't go all the way. I was pretty young still. Things feel apart when I found out he was moving 20 minutes away....he had told everyone but me.and it hurt. When I asked him about it he said we wouldn't be able to see each other so why be friends. It hurt but in my mind I forgave him. Other things went on and I lost him as a friend. He told me he never cared about me. (He told me a couple of times that he loved me. And that I was beautiful and to never change it's hard to believe it was all a lie. He told my one friend that all he wanted to do was use me) a year later I texted him on his birthday and told me he never wanted to talk to me. A few months later I saw him at a friend's funeral. He still didn't talk to me. I've given up trying to talk to him...after..almost 3 years of not being "friends" but the thing is...I still care a lot about him. The guy have me my 2nd. I'd even say I still love him...though people tell me that I'm "in love with being in love." The fact is I'd do anything for him even though he hates me and probably was never a true friend to me. Even though I'd like to think that. I think about him often and have tried to let go, but every time I get to that point people talk about him or I see him. And it reopens the wound. My question is am I crazy for still "loving" or caring about this guy and thinking about him? I mean it's been 3 years you'd think I'd let go by now right? I mean I have a boyfriend. And he doesn't talk to me so why am I still stuck on him sometimes? I feel like I'm crazy for not letting this guy go and forgetting about him and for not wanting to forget about him. So what do you guys think?
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male
reader, DragonMan  +, writes (28 January 2014):
 Greetings,Dear girl, it is human nature to want to hold onto the hope provided by something and in this case the hope of a new friend who helps you grow is something that no-one wants to let go.My issue with the situation is that your friends are right, that you are "in love with being in love." You are infatuated with this guy despite the negativity that he has shown, does this not mean that you need to re-evaluate the current situation and meditate on your current course of action.Do you plan to pine and cry for a guy who won't come back or will you accept the good he gave you and move on?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): It's the rejection that you find hard to get over, the fact that there doesn't seem to be a genuine reason ( I mean 20 minutes away how's that far ) as to why he would treat you and bad mouth you so abysmally .Being honest if you were my daughter ( I'm raising two ) I would let you rant this out .. With the words of wisdom that you are not feeling true love ( yes that's hard to accept ) but you don't know him enough to love him .. ?Think over what you said .. He used you for gifts as an ego boost as a door mat. . Now from what I've read and I don't know you .. But by jolly girl you my dear sweetie are worth more than this/that You need to write him a letter then burn it and along with it let go of this foolish notion that you can somehow win him around .Pull yourself together . Get out there make friends . Get hobbies .. Be happy .. Stop mopping over this donkey who quite frankly does not .. I say does not deserve you or even your thoughts.Be good be kind but better still just be you :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): You have answered your own question - you were lonely and vulnerable when you met him, and he used that. He is neither honest. Kind or interesting. You have been a good friend to him and he did not appreciate or value that. Think of yourself and start working on your self esteem before you spend any more time being targeted and emotional abused ( or worse )
by men in future. I urge you to waste no more time on him, you are a kind, caring person and deserve that back from friends and boyfriends.
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