A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I asked him to try and put it into words how much he liked me:"Just trust me that it is a hell of a lot, we were so close for so long, how could that have not meant the world to me"Seems like there was nothing wrong..I'd been seeing a guy on and off for 3 years, in that time he would leave me to try and go out with other women, which never lasted and he always came back to me saying that he regretted leaving me- he would have been the first person to admit he had commitment issues! Since we ended, he has matured a lot(mutual friends etc) he has been with another woman for a year, and is ending things slowly with her as she is a bit/a lot unstable.. he says this is because even after a year of barely talking he hasn't even began to get over me. He wants to get back with me and thinks that we can be together long term.. should I risk the heart ache for one final chance with the new "matured for commitment" man? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): I really don't see what you have to 'get over' - you saw him,on and off for 3yrs,there was no sex, you both dated others in that time, you were friends so he had your company anyway.
Now he's trying to dump his current g/f a she is apparently unstable and come back to you -
as a close friend with no sex? or a full on adult relationship?
I think you will give him a chance and I hope it works out
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): (I asked the question)
We both dated other people but him more so.. and we never had sex or went that far so he's not after the sex cuz we'be never been about that.. obviously we could have been doing it.. and we have always been good friends so he would have my company anyway, it just feels like we could have been more.. and i've been trying to get over him for that last 2 years but it doesn't work and never feels like we have been apart
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): He sure knows how to flatter you doesn't he? Press your buttons.
So he does ..and you fall for his empty words
Think long and hard about him, think of how he has come back to you when all else fails, ask yourself if you want to be his 'back-burner' girl forever.
Now picture yourself with a new man, a different man, one who sticks around and his ACTIONS show you he cares...
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (5 September 2011):
 You've said it all. Should you risk the heartache? 3 years is a longtime for him to have stringed you along the sad thing is that you waited for so long. You didn't mention if you had dated anyone in that span of time. Do you really want to go through the emotions with this guy one more time. Surely you're already getting over him - let him go and free your mind. Hang out with family and friends you'll meet other people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): No way. imho? he sees you as the in-betweener. He can get the benefits of your company while he looks for someone he actually wants to be with. I have seen men do this many times to my friends. Stay away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): No. This is not a final chance, this the next step in a pattern you've already established with this guy.
He keeps coming back to you because you conveniently allow him to. Stop having sex with him and I'm pretty sure you will see his priorities change. I know it's an ego boost to hear him express his feelings for you, but if you have to prompt these expressions, the sad fact is that they probably aren't true.
Just because someone is aware they have commitment issues and is open enough to admit them doesn't mean you should have to tolerate them or shore him up everytime he ends a short-term relationship. Do yourself a favor, ditch this guy, and find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you.
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