A
female
age
41-50,
*hanib
writes:Dear Cupid I have a male friend who I've known since childhood. We recently met up as we hadn't seen each other for years. His mum was my mums best friend. He is single with no family and his relatives have mostly all died. He's a nice chap and I like him, but I don't fancy him at all. The problem is I get the impression he likes me more than a friend as since meeting up he will text me to see if I want to meet up for a drink at weekends! He calls me sweetheart and regularly messages me to chat! He's made it known he'd like to meet someone and is aware I've been out of a abusive relationship for a year now! He says he has a big heart and would never treat a women that way and will always be there for me! This is far from what I've been use to! However I have stopped chatting to him as I fear I may give him the wrong impression about our friendship. I haven't accepted his invited out as I don't want him to think its a date! I would love to be his friend and don't feel a women shouldn't hang around with guy! How can I come across to him that I'm not interested in getting with him without out right saying it as I may be mistaken! I feel sorry for him and I know that looks aren't everything but surly there has to be a attraction, I don't want to hurt his feelings should he like me this way!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2014): You are both mature adults. We are in a society that hides behinds telephones and computers; and we are never straight forward and honest about anything.
Using every excuse we can, to avoid being tactful, polite, and honest. That's because it requires interactive and interpersonal skills.
There is a time to be blunt, but only when necessary. Not just to be mean or rude. People seem to go from one extreme to the other. Too sappy, or down-right toxic. It's not being "nice" allowing people to make a fool of themselves; while you avoid "hurting their feelings."
You've known the man since childhood, he's no stranger. Tell him as an adult would. "I'm sorry, but I hope our communications and contact is strictly on friendly terms. I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea."
What can he say? Dancing around is leading him on. He's not a child. Let him know it's nice hearing from him, but you'd prefer his contact was not so often. You hope there are no hard feelings. He does have some dignity. Don't stoop to pity.
All that is necessary, is that you be courteous and considerate of his feelings. So what if you misread his intentions? You got it out in the open. Problem solved.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 September 2014):
 You didn't accept his invite, and you should just leave it at that. It's unfortunate that unattractive men have a harder time finding girlfriends but this is not your problem anymore. If you keep his friendship out of pity that he is lonely, it is just prolonging his luck of finding a suitable mate. The loudest and appropriate message to him is to distance yourself from him. You haven't mentioned if you want a boyfriend in the future, but the best way to distract yourself from this chap is to start dating others.
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