A
female
age
41-50,
*neUnhappyLady
writes:Am I stupid for staying?I am a thirty three year old woman and have been with my "husband" for nearly thirteen years now. We have a child together, who is ten. I don't want to break up my child's family, but I feel like I am living a lie. I love my husband as a person, but I feel like we are moving in two dif directions. I have no desire to be a mother to my stepkids, and thank God they are nearly eighteen. I feel like I have to make an attempt though, which my husband can see is causing me resentment and anger. I just want to take care of my kid. His kids have mothers of their own, I feel. These past three years has strained our relationship so-even the sex is dying. He has gotten lazy, or my needs have matured. I feel resentful and withold sex because I do not want to be with him that way when I am angry. I feel like I am not attractive to him because the only way he can get a real erection is if I give oral sex-and he cannot even finish- and he never tries to fulfill my fantasies. He is timid to me in the bed. Bottom line is, I don't think I would feel half the resentment for everything else if he was delivering in the bedroom.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (14 September 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps you need to talk about things more, between you.
Couples need to talk about what's on their mind, and be open and honest when they do. It can't be assumed that the other one knows what is the problem.
Withholding sex, probably doesn't help much either.
Are his two children living with you now? So you have three children - 1 of your own, plus 2 other children?
Why aren't they living with their own mothers?
If they are living with the two of you, that must be putting a financial strain on the relationship as well.
A way to resolve that, could be more money coming in.
So it looks like you need to identify the real causes of the issues that are currently happening. And until you do that, nothing will change.
It all needs to be put out on the table, everything that you DON'T like about things the way they are now.
It requires complete openness and honesty - by both of you - in a relaxed environment, as soon as possible. As a starting point.
The sooner you can both do this, the sooner you can work out what needs to happen to change things for the better.
I really don't think it has anything at all to do with sex, or no sex. It has to do with communication.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): start loop
I'm so angry that he won't have sex with me so I'm going to withold sex and the next time he tries to have sex I'm not going to let him. Which makes me so angry because he won't have sex with me and so I'm not going to have sex with him even though he wants to because I'm angry...
go to start loop
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