A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I get a divorce?I have been with my husband for going on 17 years, and we are only in our early 30's, so we met fairly young. Lately I have been thinking about getting a divorce. He is a very controlling person, and I have just about had it. I think the reason I have lasted this long is because of our two children, and also because I was brought up that if you marry someone - that's it - no turning back.Before we married, we both cheated on each other. But after we married, I think he has done it a couple of other times. I even found out he had another phone (which I knew nothing of) from which he was calling and texting other women from. My son apparently knew about it, and brought it to me. My husband has made me change who I am. I no longer wear make-up, and pants. He does not like my friends. He says they change who I am, and that because of them, I have started to talk back or rebel against him. He does not spend any kind of quality time with me. He is constantly drinking, working on his race car, or hanging out with his friends! He also is always ordering or recording porn. So at this point, I don't really want to even have sex with him anymore. I am trying my best to hang in there, because I do feel that I do love him. But I have also come to the conclusion that I would rather leave him while I still love him - for the sake of my children, than leave hating him. I don't know what I should do. Should I hang in there, or just give up?Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): i'm 23 and as far as i know my husband doesn't cheat or drink but he is wrapped up in himself and we have a daughter together that just turned one and my life already is almost the way your life is and i'm so young and i just sit and cry sometimes because i wonder how my life will be 5 years from now and if it's like this already it's only going to get worse and i'm so young and know i deserve better but for my child i feel like i should hang on.
A
female
reader, bethany605 +, writes (3 November 2008):
Leave Leave Leave
Not just because you want to leave while you still love him either. You are in an abusive relationship, and this toxic relationship is all your kids will understand and they too will accept being treated like that. I am sure you do not want this for your children.
You also are risking this relationship escalating into an abusive relatiionship. Believe it or not if he is drinking, cheating, immersed in porno, treat you like a lesser person instead of a equal partner than the next step is physical abuse. Which may also be directed towards your kids.
Do what ever you have to, to get out ASAP. Make the decision and dont change yoru mind. Tell people you trust what your decision is and why, make a promise to your kids to get out. These will help you to stick to your decision.
Elicite whatever help you can to get out, you and your childrens health and welfare maybe depending on it.
I have been were you are, I didnt get out in time. I will regret it for the rest of my life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): Dear Poster
I am so sorry to hear that your husband is treating you so badly; it is totally unacceptable. You do not have to change who you are; you are entitled to be yourself; he is not treating you with respect and it sounds as if he is a very dominating person; (I would not be surprised if also aggressive towards you at times).Yes, nobody wants to get out and get divorce but there are times and situations when that is the best option.
Taking everything in consideration that you have mentioned in your posting; I do suggest you leave this man; he is controlling your life; he is trying to dictate to you;wants to rule and manipulate your life but he does what he wants, as he wishes, without thinking about the humiliation and pain his is causing you.
He is cheating on you, he is drinking too much, he is treating you without love and respect; he treats you like a doormat; NO, NO, NO, you DON'T have to put up with this treatment; YOU DESERVE better; get out and start a new life; learn to be yourself again; you are a unique person with your own personality; nobody can expect from you to not live your life;
Please go stand in front of the mirror, look your self in the eyes; give yourself a hug; and make a decison to start LOVING YOURSELF and taking care of yourself again.
You need to do what is best for you; don't allow this selfish man to destroy your SELF IMAGE and self CONFIDENCE completely;
I suggest you contact a counselor to help you work through your feelings and emotions; to help you and guide you in rediscovering yourself and building up your self esteem.
It will not be easy, but you can do it and you owe it to yourself and to your children.
You have a right to BE HAPPY and to enjoy your life.
Don't wait, you are still young; you can still have a great future with the right partner;somebody that will value you and treat you with LOVE and RESPECT.
You have endured enough abuse from this man; MOVE ON;
Consult a LAWYER and see a COUNSELOR; be strong but you have to do this for your FUTURE and your happiness.
Best wishes; keep us posted.
Sending you lots of smiles.
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A
female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (3 November 2008):
 I also married young, and now being 28 i don't think it was a good idea. people very seldom know theirselves at this age and also haven't experienced alot in life.nevertheless, my husband and i have been seperated 2 of the 4 that we've been married, and will finalize our divorce in the next couple of months.he had been cheating on me for the longest and now has one son, and a set of twin girls. and to top it all off he isn't with neither one of the mothers of those children. we have one 4yr old son together.my point is they still want to experience other women and are not ready for commitment. you have been with him all this time and could probably be happy with someone else. and if there is tension amongst the two of you the kids feel it. that's probably why your son told you what he did when he did. my personal opinion would be leave him before you find out something that really you already know in your heart. the womans intuition is very strong and 9 times out of 10 it's ususally right.hope this helps
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