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female
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anonymous
writes: I'd like to get married. We are deeply in love.He is 60, I am 50, we have both been married before. His 1st wife cheated, his 2nd, took him to the cleansers, he is not anxious to wed again. We talk of being together into old age, we live together,I would love to have my final chapter married to this man. I don't want to push... Any suggestions?Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): I agree, it would be wonderful for you and your partner to be married in your 'golden years'. We both know, he can't be pushed into it. Sadly, he doesn't trust the whole idea of 'marriage' possibly because of emotional and legal ramifications of divorce. He was burnt badly and he's trying hard to overcome the hurt and anger caused by meanness that was inflicted on him, in his 2 prior marriages. Some people need a long time, even years to get to the point of a remarriage committment. If this love relationship is precious to you, you will wait until he's ready. However you take a risk, he may never get there. Can you accept that you might have to live your remaining years being unmarried, to the man you love? Only you know those answers. You, however can continue, setting loving examples of being everything a good partner should be by being committed, honest, caring, open, loving, responsible, calm, forgiving and understanding. This may help him recover and help him heal to get to the point of 'seeing' the deep solidarity and trust a marriage needs. But for now, there is nothing you can do, hun..you can just wait. I wish you the best and good luck.
A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (24 March 2006):
 Live together, there is no shame in this anymore.
He may along the line decide that he is ready to marry again but as long as you are together that is all that matters, but you must get a will made as later on this will ensure that if the worst happens you will be treated as the legal partner.
My advice is live for today and enjoy him, you dont need a peice of paper to make you married it is how you love and treat one another that matters, be patient and understand that he is worried about marriage.
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A
female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (24 March 2006):
 I love what you said - "I would love to have my final chapter married to this man" - that is so sweet. Maybe if you just tell him that, he will understand why you would like to tie the knot. Don't pressure him, just tell him why you think it is a great idea and how much it would mean to you. If he doesn't want to, you know it has nothing to do with you, so you should just let it go and let being with him be enough. Good luck!
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