A
female
age
51-59,
*anta
writes:Hello there to everyone who has kindly been giving me advice regarding this Sydney internet guy. I have decided not to go to Sydney to see a guy who has clearly told me that he just wants sex even though at one point he said that how did I know that this would just be a sexual thing. In the beginning about 4 months ago he said that it was just naughty fun and that's all it would ever be.Today after telling me that his decision was firm and that he wanted me to go to a hotel for three nights and then his place for the last 4 nights he turned around and said stuff the hotel and his supposed flatmate and that he didn't care anymore and that I could stay at his place as he didn't want to waste any more time and that he wanted my A...Very confusing considering yesterday he told me not to bother coming over if I couldn't accept staying in a hotel first for three nights?I don't understand what he's up to or why the sudden change of mind.Anyway my concern at the moment is that this will be the third time that I have told him that I was coming over and have not followed through with it. I haven't purposely been trying to lead him on etc. I just thought that perhaps I needed more time to feel comfortable about going to see him.He wants to know whether I have booked the flight to come over on 18th August. When it comes to the crunch I have alarm bells going off in my gut and feel frightened. Can't exactly name the reason why but I just don't feel comfortable. How do I tell him that I'm not coming over without sounding like I've been playing games which I haven't or like a fruitcake? One part of me would like to trust him and meet him the other part of me is very unsure.Please help.
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female
reader, pulse  +, writes (5 August 2009):
I don’t think its right for you to go there. Internet dating is quite tricky. If u don’t feel right the first time with someone I don’t think you will ever feel anything. Going all the way for a night of sex is not the way to go, leave alone as a friend. You should ask yourself……..if it’s a friend, will he want me to go for a whole week just for the fun of sex. Try to create friendship in a relationship. You will never go wrong
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (3 August 2009):
 "and that he wanted my A..." I'm guessing that sentence continues with some dirty talk about your backside?! He is just going to use you for sex if you go there, no matter where you stay! It your decision - are you happy flying to the other side of the country for a week of sex where the chances of seeing this man again are incredibly slim? He will use you and then never arrange to see you again, you will have just had the most expensive week of sex ever!
I answered your post last time and I stand by everything I said. It is irrelevant where you stay if you visit this man, I think the problem is that deep down you hope that by visiting him he will see you, fall in love with you and you will have a great relationship. You need to see that this man is a giant sex obsessed pervert who is using the internet to get women to sleep with him because he cant get a woman in real life!
Trust your gut instinct, I am almost certain that it is right! Unless you are happy in the knowledge that this is a week of sex (which I dont think you are wanting to go with that intention) then you owe it to yourself not to go. Dont allow yourself to be used by a man like this, and I'm sure he wont really care if you dont visit because he will have some other internet lover visiting him the next week!
I would come clean with him - tell him you are not happy with the way he has messed you around about where you are staying, and that you have realised you dont want to settle for a sex only relationship. He wont be able to argue against that - if you are honest then he wont think you have been playing games.
I dont know why you care what he thinks of you anyway, he sounds like a complete waste of space! You need to get out there and find a man who wants a real relationship, based on honesty and mutual respect, not based on one person's love for the other person's backside!
I hope this helps!
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