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age
30-35,
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writes: ok heres the situation..ive been going out with this girl for about 5months now..we both love to make out..i was her 1st kiss and 1st make out..whenever she comes over we make out all the time and she stradles me and all that stuff but i really do wish we could do more.. i would really love to finger her and love her to give me a hand job or anything..i wannna do all this but i also dont wanna like pressure her into it of make her feel weird..does anyone have any advice for this?..any hints on how to bring it up with her to talk about it?..what should i say to her? thank you soo much
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Natasia is right, but you know her better than we do, if you truly believe it will upset her then talk to her first.
She shouldn't get mad, if you try and she denies you, then as long as you don't try to force the issue then there shouldn't be a problem. You are trying your best to consider her feelings so you're already showing you care, if she's not ready now, then it's no big deal.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (28 February 2009):
 If you do it slowly enough (and i mean real slow - like 1mm per minute) (seriously) then she shouldn't feel violated. It will be easy for her to indicate whether she's ok with it, or whether she isn't ready for it.
She's probably waiting for you to do it!
Or, you could get her to touch you first, rather than you approaching her. Unzip and see what she thinks ; )
Or, since you are pretty young, just wait until you're older and more confident.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your help but like I really wanna make a move and I'm ganna do it slowly and see how it goes but wat if she shuts me down or denies me or says no and then possibly gets mad at me? I don't want to hurt her or affend her or violate her privacy.i guess I'm saying I'm just really scared to do something that she doesn't want ya no
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 February 2009):
You do sound like a really nice guy, and it's very good that you want to talk to her about it all.
In a way, though, maybe you could just do it - obviously not straight out, but like people have suggested - just gently trying the next stage of intimacy. If you go slowly, you'll see whether she is letting you do it, or whether she stops you. That's always the same for everything with sex - there are some people who don't want/need to discuss things, and some things that it's almost better just to do rather than to discuss.
Sex is a bit like music - if you try to describe it in words, you never quite can. It doesn't quite translate : )
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): When I was your age, I always took the initiative, I would just move my hand in that direction slowly and if the girl pulled my hand away it wasn't the right time and I wouldn't try again for a while.
I never really brought it up in conversation to be honest, because I felt that was in itself putting her under pressure.
When she's ready it will just happen, she'll let you, or ask you to or grab you first. Let it happen naturally, there's no reason to rush things.
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female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 It's great that you don't want to pressure her, but honestly, you would need to talk to her about what you want.
I for one think you are a little on the young side for all of this, but if you are going to be sexual, please just be careful. Just talk to her and see if she feels the same way.
As far as fingering, since it sounds like you are both still virgins, there is a good chance you could tear the hymen a little bit (or all the way) and cause bleeding, which is normal. I would plan ahead so you two can be relaxed and she can lay on a towel and feel more confident.
But still, I think you should wait a little bit longer and just enjoy being young together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): you sound like a nice guy...
ok this what my bf did first time lol...
while your making out with her wait until you know shes really in the mood and move your hands over her thighs towards that area... stop just before and look for some approval ask her if she wants you to keep going... slowly move into her pants... ask her if she wants you to keep going...etc. if you do it right she should say yes every time!
good luck! :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): First of all, make sure you're both ready for this. It's another step in your relationship. Second of all, talk to her about it because maybe she also wants you to do it. Talking is easy. If you've been together for 5 months. You should be open and honest with each other. Ask her what she likes and what feels good for her. Tell her you love when she straddles you or something, have this conversation and she's likely to drop hints on what she likes and wants. Also if you finger her, don't expect a hand job right away. Give her time since this will probably be her first experience.
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