A
female
age
41-50,
*atasha_rb
writes:I am a 27 year-old female. I just started dating a man who is 43. A little more background about the relationship: He has never been married, and has no children. He has a master's degree, good income, and people always think he is in his early 30s when they meet him (including me when I met him!). We have a lot in common in terms of the music we like and the books and movies we read/watch. People think I look young for my age, but when they get to know me, they think I am older than my years, b/c I tend to have interests in common with people who are usually about 10-15 years older than me. I know and approve of his intentions and am myself ready to settle down with someone like-minded. Given all this contextual information, I would like others' opinions of this situation, as well as the rationale/experience those opinions are based in. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, natasha_rb +, writes (2 August 2008):
natasha_rb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to thank you for your thoughtful advice and constructive input regarding my current relationship. Your comments helped me to sort out some things in my head that I might have otherwise had a difficult time sharing with close friends or family at this point in my relationship.
An update: am still dating this guy, and everything is going great. There have been no other red flags raised that would cause me to pull away.
My parents don't know of his age, as when I first met him I thought he was younger, and, consequently, presented it as such to my parents in passing conversation. But I am actually quite confident that after they meet him they will have no qualms about the relationship. I am meeting his parents this next week, and am not so worried as they know my age and have no issues with it (although they are old enough to be my grandparents!! LOL).
Anyway, thank you again, and I might be posting again if I need some good advice!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Good luck; forget about the age; age is all in the mind; enjoy life and have fun; "do I hear wedding bells?"
Best wishes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Okay, first off, whoever said it's not that big of an age difference must be on crack or something. It obviously is - it's an entire generation apart.
That said, I think the age difference will (or won't) matter, depending on the kind of relationship you guys both want. For some people it's great, for others it's not. It sounds like your interests are sufficiently aligned, and the fact that you really do come from different generations isn't a problem. This may be partly b/c of the way you relate to each other, or perhaps b/c you're both anomalies for your particular generations.
If you're aligned in terms of values and the kind of lifestyle and family you want, it's probably fine. As the younger party, the only other factor you need to consider is how you're going to feel 10, 20 and 30 years from now. Right now, he's 43, healthy and everything seems fine. How will you feel when you're turning 40, just about to reach the peak of your career, and he's contemplating retirement? If your retirement years aren't aligned, how will he feel, not having someone to share those early 'golden' years with, doing 'round the world trips' or whatever it is ppl do, b/c you'll still have 15 yrs of work-life ahead of you? Are you comfortable w/ him aging much sooner than you? Right now it seems ok, but what abt when you're his age, and he's 60? Or when you're mid-50s, and he's turning 70? In those later years, the age difference may have more of an impact.
I don't think any of this is necessarily a problem, but if you're thinking about life-long commitment, I think it's stuff you need to consider. Because the best antidote for regrets is to have thought things through at the outset and made a conscious choice that the risk was worth what you were getting.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Life is too short of wait for the validation of others. If you love him, and he loves you, then go with the flow. All you need to ask yourself is "Is there a reason he has been single for so long." and if there isn't a suffecent answer then go for it Chick-A-Dee!! Best of luck
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 It's not really a very big age gap. If it feels right, go ahead.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (8 July 2008):
 What are you asking for? Permission to love a man who's older than you? Who cares? If you both love each other, and treat each other with respect, the age thing really doesn't matter. If you both want this relationship go for it. Don't get hung up on the numbers. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (8 July 2008):
 AS long as you two get along great and really "work" together, I dont think the age gap is a problem.
16 years is quiete an age gap but if you both are really happy together, then it doesnt matter. Sure there are differences but things can always be worked out if you two mesh well.
My boyfriend is 12 years older than me, Im 26. Things are great for me and I belive it could work for you!
Take Care!
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A
female
reader, MissRosie  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Well from my expierience of being with an older man (my current bf), the only thing that matters is that you get on with him really well and want to be with him. There are sooo many dreadful men closer to your own age who you couldn't possibly sustain a relationship with, so be with the rare people you do get on with, regardless of their age. A 16 year age gap would be a silly reason to doubt a relationship with a great guy.
MissRosie x
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (8 July 2008):
 At your ages I dont think it really matters. Love comes when we least expect it and if he is the one then he is the one regardless of the age gap. If you were 15 I would tell you otherwise but you are almost 30 and old enough to make your own mind up. Age is just a number afterall x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Hi sounds like you want to know which way a fart blows!AGE is not an issue...if you are both happy and content together then enjoy your life together. Even if you are not sure about LOVE as you have not mentioned the word but you both are suited thats fine. Why should it matter what others think your age is or his? Why should it matter if he has been married or has children? Masters Degree is great and good income, it all depends what type of life and relationship you want? FOLLOW YOUR HEART OR YOUR HEAD the choice is yours, i wish you happiness BUT remember not to wish your young years away to be the same.
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