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male
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anonymous
writes: My fiancee of 1 year seems to want to spend every minute of the day with me, everyday. I enjoy spending time with her but it seems like she dont want to do anything else only wanting to be with me. How can i have my own space, but still spend time with her? How do I tell her I need time to myself and my family sometimes? When we met, we fell in love very quickly and the relationship was a bit rocky for some time at the start, but we both worked through it as we have through alot of problems and things were going just nicely.We are buying a house together and spent our holidays going around looking at different things for the new home, but I noticed that she didnt want me doing anything else by myself and felt that she is becoming a bit clingy and too attached. Now dont get me wrong, I love her very much and we are best friends in our relationship as well as partners, but even in the best of relationships sometimes you would like a bit of time to yourself to do your own things. Our relationship is solid as a rock, but all id like is to be able to enjoy our time together and have fun loving each others company and have a bit of time to myself at the same time.When we will be living together we will be together the whole time only not when we have to work. What can I say to my fiancee about this without hurting her feelings or her getting annoyed with me? Its like sometimes I feel like wheres the door when Im with her and then other times I love being with her. Please Help as this is getting me down and I dont want to lose her at the same time?
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female
reader, caraduddy  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 I think you should have a talk with her and say how much you love her but maybe she shoudn't be around as much. Or could you give me a little bit of space every now and again. something along those lines but try not to make it sound bad. I hope you solve this but still stay together.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): Have you spoken to her on how you feel? Perhaps she is a little insecure, maybe she has not had particulary good relationships in the past and has been let down. You need to reassure her that your desire to want to spend time on your own or with friends is in no way any reflection on how you feel towards her. You both need time apart to make you both appreciate each other. You don't want to get to the point where you take each other for granted, and that will happen if things continue as they are. Perhaps she is not that confident in doing things by herself, has she been single for a while before she met you? If she has gone from relationship to relationship, then this would explain the clinginess, she does not know HOW to be on her own and relies on other people heavily to make her feel secure. Maybe suggest she persue hobbies/intersets to develop any existing talent in areas that she enjoys. Does she like painting/walking/photography etc? Build up her confidence and suggest that she develops any existing skills and join groups to do. Hope all works out for you, sounds like you have a good solid relationship, if you trust each other then she shouldn't have a problem with you spending time apart from you. Be gentle with her as it sounds she does not feel good about herself etc, take care! x
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