A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone,I been divorced for 7 yrs.I have a LDR with a man from US for 10 months now I live in Asia. I am kinda getting impatient for not meeting him yet though we constant communicates. He calls me twice everyday when am at work or even at home we talks for hours. Because of the time differnce i find it hard to get online when im too tired after a long day at work and i stayed late most of the night to be with him. I love him and he loves me more than anything else. I have a spinal surgery due to some accidents and its been a year now but im still having some pain specially my job requires me to sit all day long. So when we are chatting we normally on cam and im in bed lying down resting my back. His time will be in the morning hes lookign fresh while me looking so wiped out. Hes been so sweet to me and kepts me reminding to take my medicine and kept exercising. Lately i injured my left hip and had some inflamation around the groin area so it even makes it worst for me to moved around. We had a fight when my temper goes hay wires cos of my frustration having this pain and complaints to him if only he can be with me now and be on my side, i need his touch, i need his love i need to feel him. He said he is going to see me in December because he had so many things to settle first with his house and his business. His house got burnt down and he now stays with a friend house. We had another fight again the other night as he is suggesting that i should have a massage chair to make me feel comfortable in sitting and i can actually get it online buying. The thing is I am not earning much i am a single mum and working hard to save money to survive. I told him it would be nice if you could at least offer me some helps like perhaps he could get it for me instead and send it by mail. He said to me then that am i after his money ? am i not enough being with you all the times? I said love is not just about sweet words and concern but also helps a bit in certain situations that u think you willingly want to offer. Am i wrong to say this ? . He said i hurt his feelings. He is not the type of guy who like to send things but its a gesture that i like to hear it from him sometimes. I truly love him,I see that he always puts me first in everything he does.Appreciate your advice we plans to get married next year. Thank you.
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female
reader, samohir  +, writes (2 September 2007):
 Dont want to let you down ut to me it seems that This man is perfect Smooth Operator! just my perspective , doesnt need or have to be true.I can see ur not a child nor presumably he is. You re woman in age and need stabile companion. Okei, he call you twice a day so what !??? What u gain from that! Even if he calls you 10 times, what on damn earth you have from that!Maybe He is calling only becaouse HE needs to hear your voice, To feel better, wanted , to have his ego Boosted! Not because he simply wants to hear you! I doesnt need to be right, but just take this into consideration. SMan are not that strong as we always think they re, and surely they re not calling becaouse of honest need to hear our voices! They simply need that! As we somethimes need, when feeling week or whatever to have their attention or voices heard! thats all As i understood ur single mum and have physical difficulties, so this must have been clear for him when he met you and started whatever you may call this. 10 months are more than enough time for somebody to be aware of this, and (in my opinion) you didnt even need to ask for a chair you need, It should have been bought to you without reminding it. When we love people, honestly we wish the best for them , and feel sad when they re in pain or have difficulties. So we do everything , which is in our possibilities to help them, be it emotional, spiritual or financicial support for them. Maybe im wrong , but through my experience i know this is true! And certainly in such occassions we dont ask Them if they need Nor we ask are they with us with some BACk intentions... We dont do that, because we love them and want to be with them.Of course im speaking about relationship based on mutual respect and at least feedback.
So, Dear ask yourself what u need? A man that calls you 10 times a day but is not there for you or something else? That would be , i think , a good starting point for your further actions and decision.
And dont like to sound a disriminating or some like that, He is from US u re ASian, doesnt need to mean anything but just think or at least have a little reserve about his way of thinking about you as ASian, dont think Americans are that open minded and acceptive. They infact can be and are (unfortunately many)smug and have low opinion about other , esspecialy so distant nations.
Just Be careful!
Best for you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): Sorry, following on from my previous answer, I see that he is visiting you in December! This puts my previous comments in a completely different light! Trust me in this case, when he visits you, you will know whether your feelings are deep enough to carry on a committed relationship. I still think that gestures are extremely important to send to each other, and hopefully this is something he will change following his visit to you. Perhaps when he sees you, and the way you act towards him, he can then be sure that your love is genuine and has nothing to do with money (although there is nothing worse than a man who is tight with his money, it really can make life such a misery, especially if you are giving too) X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): He doesn't like to send things to you? When you are in a long distance relationship (and I was in one with a man from New Zealand for a year so I do understand) it is important that you BOTH send each other small gifts and tokens of your affection. Having said this, you have never met each other and this in itself is very odd. I can understand this from your perspective because you are unwell and it would be difficult for you to travel, but why on earth hasn't he been over? Is it because he doesn't have much money? Then I'm sure he could have saved up enough after nearly a year together. When we have long distance relationships, it is so easy to put the other person on a pedestal. But it is only when we are with someone day in, day out, that we truly understand how much they mean to us and whether or not we are in love with them. You need to look at the cold hard facts: He hasn't visited, he doesn't send gifts, you are a single mother with physical difficulties who needs support. The moment you asked him if he could contribute to the massage chair, he turned very defensive and immediately questioned your motives for being with him. Doesn't sound to me very much like someone in an adult relationship, does it? If you had asked early on in the relationship, then I would understand it (all the stories of Asian women dating Western men for financial gain) but if he has this lack of trust about you now, then I don't think the future looks too bright. When is he visiting? Have you asked him? Are you sure he is single? After a year of telephoning and writing to my long distance boyfriend, when I finally did meet him again (for I had met him once at the beginning), then within minutes I realized that I had no connection with him. Don't wait too long before you meet him - before you know it that 10 months will turn into years, and what will you actually be gaining from the relationship? A few phone calls with gestures of love or tenderness? Personally, if he can't commit to visiting you within the next 3 months, I would not pursue the relationship. You say he puts you first in everything he does, but what exactly does he do? You only receive phone calls from him and kind words. These two aspects do not make a well rounded and supportive relationship. Best of luck XX
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