A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody out there in internetland.I have just met a guy who i have been on a few dates with, the problem is that he has 2 children ages of 8 and 10 from a previous girlfriend, i have tried to explain to him that i am not sure what to say or do around them when i have to meet them as i have never had any experience of children of any age, i am just worried that if i dont get along with his kids he will choose them and forget about me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cd206 +, writes (24 March 2007):
 First of all I agree with everything that Irish said above but I would like to add some stuff for when you do meet them. I think the most important thing to remember is that you are the adult in any situation where you meet them. Yes you can choose not to meet them, and as Irish said yuou should take this option until your relationship is established but if you do meet them you must remember that you're the adult. You say you don't know how to be around children. Well I'm guessing they're not sure how to be around daddy's new girlfriend either and will need all the reassurance. Being with kids isn't really that hard. Treat them like you'd treat a friend (within reason) and I'm sure they'll like you. As for your boyfriend choosing them over you, you need to accept that if it came down to it of course he would. His children will always be his first priority but there needn't be a situation like this if you just learn to get along with the kids.
CD
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Sweety, you have dated this man just a few times. Think of the kids here, for a moment. You should not even be meeting his kids until you and their father have dated and established a good, solid love relationship. (Minumum 8 months to a year) Why? Because those children are likely dealing with the loss of their family. Dad is gone and Mom is raising them alone. What a blow to their little hearts having their safe world and family life, all torn asunder. Dear, understand that kids this young get attached easily to people who they are exposed to, on a regular basis. You are worried they won't like you? I'm worried about the opposite. They will figure out you are Dad's special lady friend, they could very easily begin to admire and love you very much, over a short amount of time. Kid's are vulnerable and so caring. Now if you meet them too soon and this relationship fails, and you leave their life suddenly, they could experience another big loss. It just simply not fair...think of them and their feelings. Tell your bf, for their sakes, you do not want to meet his kids, until you both have a more solid footing in your relationship. The kids don't need any more added pain in their life. Once this relationship is up and going strong, you and your bf can then..decide when the right time is to meet his kids. They likely will love you but if they don't, please don't sweat it. Just be kind and compassionate and do all you can reach out. Take this whole process one day at a time. Tell your bf there is no rush. Make the best decision for what's right for those kids. Take care, hun
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