A
male
age
41-50,
*KR
writes:Hi there,I'm not used to using these kind of things, however, i'm not sure where to turn. Friends of mine seldom give advice and i'm one of those who cannot take his own. My problem is as follows;I've found a partner that i beileve to be great for me. We've been together some time now yet i still find it hard to trust her. I envy her previous life style where she was always the "Belle of the ball". I worry that i may not be good enough for her. I feel that i'm mereley a stepping stone in her life-line. You could say that this problem stems from past partners ill-treating my good nature, but how to remedy this issue in the present? I'm t a loss, perhapes you can help?Yours gratefullyDKR Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DKR +, writes (8 May 2007):
DKR is verified as being by the original poster of the question Many thanks for your response
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (8 May 2007):
 You have two issues you are addressing here; the trust you have for her AND your lack of self-belief.
The trust is a hard one to solve and can only take a leap of faith from yourself. You got with this woman for a reason; you love her. Your reasons for loving her must involve some level of trust somewhere amongst your feelings for her so look at that. Also, have the belief that you are a good judge of character, otherwise you would'nt be in the position you are with her now.
She is with you for a reason and must have a amount of trust in you so have faith in thatas well. Trust and lack of trust can be leathal so make sure you dont let your lack of trust over whelm your desire to make the relationship work.
With her being the focus of attention or the "Belle of the Ball" can have its downsides as you have seen, but also have its positives. The "Bell of the Ball" is with you, thats something to be proud of and must surely be a confidence booster. Dont think that you are just a stepping stone, you put yourself down this way and this reason is only paranoia settling in and has no logic behind it and certainly no proof.
Your past willalways have an effect on your partners of the present, the key is to not make the same mistakes and to help yourself overcome your fears. Tell her how you feel about her, and how you feel you have been treated in the past by previous relationships. Honesty goes along way when you love someone and they love back.
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