A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,this might sound like a weird post but i was just wondering if anyone knows where im coming from or could offer me some good advice.its a little embarrassing and i dont know quite how to put it with it making sense but i'll try.o.k. this is my problem. when i was 16 i met my first proper gf. when we first tried having sex i was so nervous that i couldnt get an erection and i was then really worried that i might be impotent. because of the worry and stressing myself out the next few times the same thing happened so i put off trying to have sex completley until a few months later we were hugging in bed and we just started making love completley naturally (dont really know how it happened no one initiated it or anything). Anyway after that we were having sex all the time and over the next few years we had an amazing sex life, erections werent a problem at all then i think i was hard more than i was soft.lol. anyway....anyway 6 months ago she broke up with me and i was an absolute wreck, it really did hit me really hard, im a lot better than i was but i still think about her all the time. but thats another problem, wot it is 3 months ago i had a one night stand after a night out and low and behold i cwdnt get it up! i sed it was brewers droop or tiredness and i just went to sleep. when we both woke up in the morning we had sex but i couldnt keep it up longer than 10 mins,and my erection wasnt as hard as usual during sex. luckily as i was losing it we had to stop as people were coming upstairs(perfect timing). after that im so nervous about having sex. ive met a few nice girls and have pushed them away as im nervous about mabey not being able to get it up. and ive had other oppertunities to sleep with other women but have not taken it. im worried that my nerves are going to stop me from meeting anyone and going that extra step and having a relationship again. also theres added pressure as i feel i should be having sex more not only cos i really want to but because the group of friends i hang round with sleep with different women nearly every weekend. i tell them its cos im still upset about my ex, which is partly true, but theres only so long i can say that. i also say that theyve had 4 years more experience over me while i was in a relationship so i cant chat up girls, but i dont have any problem with that its just i dont want to for fear of not being able to perform. i know its mental not physical and i just worry to much but does any one have any advice?thanks 4 listening. does this make any sense or do i sound pathetic?
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broke up, erection, my ex, one night stand, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): i know exactly what u mean...i am the same way.. couldnt get it up so i didnt want to have sex..except for this one girl who i had no problem was so in love with her seems like i got hard just holding her hand..long story short got married had a beautiful son..got divorced.and then wouldnt u know it..i started having doubts again.. had sex with this girl once but after that its been down hill..i had this wonderful lady who i courted alot ...everytime she wanted i couldnt do it so i pushed her away and made excuses after excuse.. oh its stress from the divorce and what not...so i just gave up sex just because of being nervous about not getting it up...so when i read yur problem..it could of been me typing what u typed.
A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (28 May 2007):
 Okay - i think you are nervous when it comes to having sex which is completely natural. Rather than one night stands get to know a girl - a one night stand is more complicated you dont know the girl for starters which makes it more nerve racking.Just relax and wait til you meet the right girl and feel comfortable with her before you move on to having sex
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A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (28 May 2007):
I think your problem is one that quite a few men have. It is the inability to really get into sex without enough emotional engagement to make you believe that what you're doing is the right thing.
Don't force yourself to have sex just because you're bored, or that you're so used to doing it that you've forgotten how to enjoy yourself without it.
Sexual intercourse comes naturally to us, so let it happen naturally with people who you feel that extra something that clouds the mind, reason, and rationality.
Remember, not all men can have sex at the drop of a hat. In fact, that ability is actually rarer than you think. Sex requires an emotional component for most people. Look for the emotional connection and you'll find yourself back in the pilot seat before you know it.
(Oh, and stop worrying about impotence. Those late night commercials make it sound contagious. It ain't, and you're young enough where you don't have to worry about it anyhow. Just go with the flow, and look for love. As for your exgf, let her go. You'll find yourself moving on eventually. In the meantime, pickup a new hobby or two or complete a few projects you never had time for before because you were with her.)
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (28 May 2007):
 It doesnt sound pathetic at all.
In my opinion from you said you were able to have sex with your girlfriend for who you loved easily and it was great, but you are unable with strangers.
Its seems to me that you are unable to have sex with people you dont feel for and that there has to be "something" in the relationship.
To me this is better than having loads of one night stands.
Find someone you love and the sex wiil be great again and you will not be nevous because you will not feel pressured
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