A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 32 year old man and have been attracted to a co-worker (26 years old) for a few years now. I never acted on my feelings towards her because I knew she had a boyfriend. Within the last 6 months we have become a lot closer and I thought that maybe she was interested in me. I wasn’t sure, but I thought that maybe she was thinking about leaving her boyfriend. I had been contemplating telling her how I felt about her. Today I learned that she is pregnant. I guess I was wrong. I could barely keep it together when I found out. Any advice on how I move on? This is very hard because I have to work with this girl every day.
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male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (16 February 2011):
It's very hard when you are into someone with whom you work. The trick to reducing your feelings is distance and focusing on others or other activities. That becomes very difficult when you have to see someone every day. It will take a tremendous amount of discipline and hard work on your part, but it is do-able. You can't spend your valuable time pining away for someone who is in a relationship and is now having children. It is that realization that you will have to use to spur you on to moving on. You say that in the past 6 months you became a lot closer, which leads me to believe that there is room for distance if you so choose. You need to create a bit of distance again. Try not to spend as much time with her. Also, keep any conversations light and to a minimum. Don't go discussing personal issues with her. Focus on your work. No lunches together. No emails. No txting. I know, it sounds draconian, but it really is the only way to get unhooked from someone emotionally. The other aspect of this is that you need to start to focus on your life. She has her life (and is apparently living it). You need to do the same. Get out of the house. Get involved in activities with friends. Keeping busy helps keep your mind off of her and it boosts your confidence and self-esteem. Exercise. Eat right. Lay off the alcohol. I know, I sound like someone's mom. But, take it from me. I've been in your shoes. Good luck. I wish you all the best.
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