A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I met a guy 4 years ago and we immediately hit it off, like really hit it off in all departments. Fun to talk to about religion, politics, romance etc., liked the same shows and great cuddle buddies, insanely attracted to each other and great sex. We have similar opinions on tons with enough other things to have arguments or discussions... literally like, perfect.HOWEVER, his ex that he helped raise her child for 2.5 years keeps popping back into the picture. It was why we broke up the first time, even though they didn't get back together. Since then we've dated once more and hooked up numerous times for up to 3 months at a time. Making breakfast together, going to movies, hanging with friends etc. He's become my best friend and I'm totally in love with him and every other relationship (including the one I was just in for the past year) I can't help but feel guilty because I'm still in love with this other guy.After a year of barely speaking to him because of how I felt about him and because I was upset about all the sleeping together without commitment, we reconnected and our friendship has been stronger than ever. He apologized for SO many things that I hadn't even brought up and told me he wanted to prove to me the friend that he wanted to be towards me because he loved me and didn't want to lose me and couldn't stand me being angry with him.In the year that I was with the other guy, he had gotten back with the ex with the child who is now 9. They broke up after a few months but have been close friends still for the past 5 months. Now he and I are hooking up again after my relationship ended 3 months ago, but I don't know what any of it means and he's still in touch with her and I don't want to bring up the "talk" or tell him he needs to never talk to her again. She's caused a lot of problems by talking about me to him and reading his emails and basically changing stories between he and I. She leads him on and everyone knows it but he refuses to see it.What the hell do I do to get this guy to settle down with me? I know he loves me because he treats me like he does and tells me so. I'm involved in so many aspects of his life including the fact that our best friends married each other which is how we met to begin with. We share Godchildren!I don't want to keep disrespecting myself by sleeping with him with out a commitment or if he's still hung up on his ex, but I also don't want to be with out him and time has shown that we're like magnets and if we get even a little close than BAM we're back in the saddle but without any commitment.PLEASE HELP... don't tell me how pathetic I am. I need real advice because I will not drop him. I need to know how to get him on the same page with me without killing anyone ;)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): Thank you for responses.
He is not by boyfriend, I don't know what we are. We haven't been together in over a year.
The child is not his. When she was 6months old they started dating and he raised her till she was almost 3. So I know it's hard, but it totally has stopped him from his own desire to be a father again.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 Hi,Why you call yourself pathetic? You were in a relationship with this man, had your reasons to break up, few months has gone by, and now you are together again. I do t think you are pathetic, and I don't think you are doing nothing wrong. I think he truly loves you, and care for you. I think he's ready to commit to you. But, I am going to be honest with you. He has a long history together with his ex, but what concerns me the most is that she will never leave your boyfriend alone, or at least until she finds someone, and get married. Why? She knows he's a great guy, specially because he helped her raise her 9 years old child together. She will always use her child as an excuse to see him. And unfortunately, your boyfriend will listen to her, because he cares for the child. After so many years, I am sure your boyfriend have attachments to this child like a father. You have no choice her, but accept the fact that this ex will be in his life. I don't know this woman, sure don't have the right to judge her, but to me she's very selfish. She's manipulated, and very disrespectful to you. She knows he's in a relationship, yet keep contacting him. She should realize that they are no longer together, so therefore she should leave you boyfriend alone, and let him be happy, and live his life. Her behavior shows no class, she has no morals, integrity, or character. I know it must be hard to be single parent, but that's not your problem, or your boyfriends problem anymore. She should be grateful fir what he has done for her, and her child, and leave him alone. I understand, if she has an emergency, the child needs to go hospital, but other then that she should never contact your boyfriend anymore. The only thing you can do is talk to your boyfriend. Explain how much this bothers you. Ask him if he has any feelings left for his ex, make sure it's definitely over, and ask if he's ready to commit to you. Tell him that you've been through this before, and that you cannot continue this vicious cycle. It's not fair to you, or him. tell him that you want to be happy with him, have a health future with him. Tell him you don't want to be insecure, and always wonder what in your head. Tell him you don't want to fight anymore, just enjoy each other, and be happy. Hope you can have a nice talk, and solve all your problems. Hope you are both happy together. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): I'm just curious, and I think it will help answer:
Is the child also his child? Or is it his ex's child from another relationship?
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