A
male
age
51-59,
*athan1
writes:I just broke up with my man after 6.5 years together. We are both gay. I'm still pretty raw over it. I'm not sure who was at fault me or him. I do know that drink had alot to do with it. He has found a new friend and lifestyle which no longer includes me. He started doing drag last year and i was supportive but quickly learnt that i wasn't comfortable with it so i avoid being in his company when a show is on. I thought he'd tire of it and we could get back to normal. What has happened is he has moved on with new friends who didn't know who i was on our last night out. There is alot of drinking around this scene with late night lock ins, and its mainly spirits, vodka gin etc. I'm 43 and have outgrown the club scene, he's 38. He failed to acknowledge my last two birthdays and his presents to me this christmas were pathetic to say the least while i have spent alot of money on him for his birthdays and christmas and got him stuff he wanted or needed. I feel he is making poor choices in his company and his health wont keep up with the binge drinking. I still care deeply for him. But now i dont feel included in his life any longer. When we went out it usually included his new best friend and the conversation flowed between them and i got to contribute occasionally. I no longer felt the security of being part of a couple having to compete with his new friends and social life, i was very angry when we finished and i said hurtful things to him which i cant take back. I feel empty and wonder have i made the right decision and could i have handled it differently.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, christmas, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Nathan1 +, writes (29 December 2010):
Nathan1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your swift responses which are very comforting. I think i'll take your advice and arrange a meeting when things have cooled down. I think a break is certainly on the cards as we have been falling out alot in the last year. However long i'm not sure but i think it would need to be at least a month to be anyways objective. I'll leave it till after the New Year celebrations to get in touch as i haven't heard from him nor do i expect to.
A
female
reader, onyx95  +, writes (29 December 2010):
my advice- you did the right thing and there no use hurting yourself over it. your love for him is shown but if he cant give you back just a little when your giving up so much im sorry to say but how is that anyways say he loves you. it will hurt and all but just be cool with it. dont show him any sign that your sorry for what you did because you shouldn't be. after all it was him that made the mistake of losing you. so why should you fill sorry. as a girl i dont know if this will help any but i hope so and good luck 3
...............................
A
female
reader, Crzygrl +, writes (29 December 2010):
I'm sorry to say but I believe that you made the right decision. He didn't seem to care about you how he could have years ago. If he was forgetting your birthday, it's like forgetting you ever existed. If he is treating his health and body in a horrid manner, it could effect you mentally or physically, something you defiantly wouldn't want.
...............................
A
female
reader, ms.trickyboo  +, writes (29 December 2010):
well sweety he's to young anyways he makes his chocies in life u need to make your's and that to FORGIVE&FORGET . see hun u need to be supportive of his choice an you stay supportive of your's !!!! best wishes MS.TRICKY BOO
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 hi had you both tried to talk about the issues that were driving you apart before you actually split up? try to arrange to discuss things properly, with no alcohol involved. i assume the drinking is him, not you? if you manage to arrange this meeting make sure you have everything sorted in your head that you want to say to him or maybe even written down so you can outline all your concerns to him. let him have time to prepare for this meeting too so he can get all his feelings, wants, needs, problems etc to tell to you. you have said bad things to him in the heat of the moment, is it things that were true? can you make a list of his good points and bad points and then choose with total honesty to yourself whether or not he is someone you still want to be with. he has branched out in life with the new friends and the drag act, this could be just an additional interest as well as the relationship with you or he may want this way of life instead of the relationship with you. he needs to tell you which is true.regarding the gifts that you feel have been poor the last couple of years, could be because he doesn't care to put the effort into choosing something lovely for you, or because he is doing what lots of people do when they get settled in a long relationship, they get complacent about gifts and other things. they take the partner for granted, or could be simply that he has not been able to afford to spend as much as he previously spent on your gifts. please try not to worry about material things, as long as he showed you love in other waysxx
...............................
A
female
reader, beyondbeautiful +, writes (29 December 2010):
 okayh . let me start of by saying im sorrt and he sounds like he is a real jerk .but even at that having been with some one for almost 7 years ..... defenitly worth trying again . imean you wouldnt waste 7 years on someone who isnt worth it . i think you talk and share how you feel with him and see where it gose from there . if he is willing to give it a try then go for it and if it dosent work out then maybe its time to find a new man .hope this helps .
...............................
|
