A
female
age
36-40,
*mmy
writes:Hi,I have been with my boyfriend now for over 2 years and although we love each other and live together, I do not feel as though he pays particular attention to me or our life at home. I am always doing my best to make our house look beautiful and interesting, but it's like I'm the only one that lives there and wants to make a mark on the place. I'm also concerned because he has been so reluctant to have sex or give me a cuddle every now and then. It makes me feel so unwanted and detatched from him. Also, whenever I try to talk to him about it, he just accuses me of causing trouble and being moody. I'm making him sound like a terrible person, but he really is amazing. I just sometimes wonder if he loves me as much as I love him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, melody11  +, writes (4 February 2011):
I had a similar experience with my fiancée as well. I've been with him 2 years as well and I had noticed a distance between us, for seemingly no reason. He denied it and said I was Miley and got overly defensive. Turns out, he did have alit going on with him. Men, I've learned, try to maintain this macho persona and see talking openly about emotions and stress as either weak or feminine (even though acknowledging pain is harder than ignoring it). My fiancée was hiding a big secret from me, that he was scared if I had found out, I would have left him and the world would ostracize him and make him less of a man. For your boyfriend it may not be something so existential, but If a man or anyone is doing that, obviously something big is on his mind. He is probably trying to work it out on his own because that's what guys are supposed to do. So, don't expect the worst. It's most likely not necessarily another person, but something is bugging him and it's probably not related to you, atleast in his head.Try probing his mind like a therapist. Not too much, but try to get him to talk using your gifts as a woman to do it without him realizing it. Don't ask "why have you been distant?" but rather questions like "what did you want to be when you grew up?" and other vague questions that would open up doors to life questions in a light hearted and universal way. Good luck! I really hope you guys take alot from the situation and make your relationship stronger for even more years ahead full of honesty and communication.
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