A
male
age
30-35,
*ndre3000
writes:How do I React?My girlfriend came out to me that she’s been speaking to another guy for the last two months.She’s met up with him couple of times too. She told me that the reason she never picked up when I called her was because she was on the phone to him. She also spent a lot of money on credit for her phone, so that she could call him and text him. Then she would delete all the texts and her phone history before she saw me. She even went to see him straight after I left her to go home.She says she also started to like him, and the reason was because she wanted to try something different. She says whenever they met up they never did anything. But how can I believe that?She lied to me every time I asked her what was going on. She would scream at me for accusing her of stuff, and make me feel bad and stupid. When In the end I was right. I feel stupid, and feel like she’s cheated on me.This all came out when I split up with her, and then we decided to give it one more try, so we put all the truths out on the table. But it’s not the first time that she’s promised to not lie and hurt me again.This is not the first time things like this has happened either, it’s the same story of her doing something wrong, I confront her about it, she denies it, cries and screams “why don’t you ever trust me” and then she cries again and comes out with the truth later. I feel like I don’t trust her anymore. And worst of all I always stay away from girls that like me, because I don’t want to cheat on her, or make her feel like I’m more interested in other girls, because she’s the only girl I need/want and I would hate it if she done it to me.I don’t cry easily, but honestly I felt like I was about to break down. We had a really special bond together and I feel like the last 2 months have been fake. She had been ignoring me, and all this time I was thinking maybe she was just spending more time with her mum and her best friend, and I thought it was good for her. Honestly I know she loves me, I know this just like I knew something was going on. Plus if she didn’t love me would she tell me these things??I have forgiven her, but I just can’t forget about it, everything feels wrong now. In the back of my mind I feel like getting back at her and making her feel jealous. It’s just that if the roles were switched, she would make me feel like crap, and never forgive me.I know I must be over reacting but anyway, how can I forget these things, because it’s really hurting.
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (21 February 2010):
"It’s not the first time that she’s promised to not lie and hurt me again". So that was ALSO a lie. Please make sure it's the last time though. Everything feels wrong because it IS wrong. you cannot relax and be in a happy relationship with someone who you cannot trust. She has lied to you again and again. You have learned you can't trust her. You need to let her go and move on to someone good. There is no happiness to be found here. I'm so sorry.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 February 2010):
You're not over acting at all. In fact, you've been very kind to her. My girlfriend cheated on me on my birthday, so I cut all contact. She tried for ages to get back in contact. But there was no way I as ever going to let her back in. Anyway, I moved on and have now found someone far better. End if my story. Now yours. The one thing that got to me in your post was the way she would scream at you about not trusting her. That was a major sign she was cheating (as you now know). The point is, she never came clean. Even after all those chances, she never came clean. And now she has, after presumably having her fun and finding that this other guy isn't interested enough in her. My worry is that you've taken her back while she sees you as second best until she finds someone else. This isn't the first time she has lied and hurt you. There are other times. If this had been a one off, I could have said that you could have given it another try. But it's not a one off. All she does apparently is lie to you, then scream and make you feel like crap. That's not acceptable. The truth is you don't know that she loves you. At all. I truly expect you will find that she came back to you because the other guy wasn't bothered. And I think your best bet is to move on from her right now, before she does it again. Because she has done it once for sure, and has lied and hurt you many other times.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): The answer is very clear.
First of all, you are much better than that. You don't deserve to be cheated on and you need to realize that. It sounds like you're a good guy for forgiving her, but it's time for you to move on and to find someone who actually does respect you and wouldn't cheat on you. You deserve to be loved for who you are and to have no "third party" in the picture.
It's important to realize that this cheating problem is her problem and has nothing to do with you. She's the one who's being immature and unethical, and it's really important that she figures things out for herself. By allowing her to come back to you, you're giving her the sign that "it's okay for her to cheat because you're going to forgive her every time."
I know that breaking up permanently, and being firm about it, is very difficult and it might not be something that you want to do. But I really think that's the best choice for both of you. It seems like her cheating problem is a reoccuring pattern-- people don't get rid of their habits overnight.
At this point, I really think you should move on and find someone who is worthy-- and appreciative/honest-- of the love you give them.
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