A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Well you could say I'm old enough to know better, but even though I'm way past adolescence I still want to know what he must think of me now. I live in a foreign country and sometimes give English lessons. Someone put me in contact with a diplomat from a different country who wanted to practice his English. I'm married, he's married; I'm 39, he's 56; but of course it's the same old story, we became attracted to each other very quickly. So we had this kind of secret thing going on for several months--no sex, nothing that we even talked about, but it was definitely there; most of the time it was going on I couldn't believe he was seriously interested in me, but I flirted with him pretty overtly to see what he would do about it, because I sensed that he was attracted to me and I liked him. His wife, who had not been with him in the country when we met, came out and I presumed he would start to act less attracted to me after that, I even cried about it in secret, but he didn't quite, and I confess I wasn't disappointed to see that he still seemed interested in me. In fact things kind of came to a head after his wife arrived, there was an incident where we saw each other outside our usual meeting time and it was clear to both of us that we shared this fascination with one another. So after that, well, I pushed things a bit and went too far--still it was all on the level of this secret between us, so only he and I would have understood what was happening; but in the end he made it clear that I did go too far and things had to stop. I know he wanted to put an end to it anyway, because he is not in fact a cheater, he believes in doing the right thing and stay focused on his family. Which I can accept, there was nowhere the relationship could go, but it felt so amazing to have someone pursuing me and I know he must have enjoyed my interest in him as well. Anyway, so it's over now, but we still have to meet professionally, and when we do he behaves perfectly formally with me and it is clear there is no going back to the way things were. What I want to know is, is he disgusted with me now? Does he just want to get past that whole phase of his life now that he has seen the light and made the right choice to be true to his family? From the moment I understood his feelings I have not tried to do anything to change the situation.I've behaved appropriately and of course made no references that could suggest that anything had ever happened between us. I know it's over, but I still care about him, it's true, and I wish he could think well of me in spite of everything, but I'm afraid he really can't stand me. I would like to hope that we can end up respecting each other, but I am afraid he only endures the time he has to spend with me and hates the very sight of me, because I remind him of his little lapse.Is there anyone who has been in this kind of situation, especially from the man's point of view, who can shed some light on what his feelings might be at this point, when we still have to see each other somewhat regularly? I know I wouldn't be concerned about it if we were never going to see one another again.I also realize it doesn't really matter what he thinks and that what is important for me is getting on with my own life and family commitments--which I am doing. But I do care about what this person thinks about me. And when I think he probably would just rather I had never existed.I feel bad, because I know for a time he was definitely "in love" with me, and that is what made me fall "in love" with him, and I wish we could come away respecting each other at least.
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 I think its great that he didnt go all the way and cheat despite this deep attraction. If he couldnt stand you and was disgusted would he still be having english lessons with you?? He is in the position to be able to choose and could simply say he wasnt learning enough and get a new tutor so maybe its not as bad as you think. Keep it professional and respect the fact that you made a mistake but its behind you now, do the job and once its over you have to walk away and concentrate on your family. Good luck x
A
female
reader, doniar +, writes (11 May 2008):
hey! i definitely understand how you feel.however all you could do right now is get past it. what happened happened you can't change it. I think you should ignore your feelings towards and i am not saying treat him as he doesn't exist but you sure need to act like dat when your not working with him.
or in class whatever :) but all iam saying is keep being very professional with him and after that ignore him when you run act very profeesional hi and leave i hope i could show how your reaction should be. Somewhat hes going to come around and if he actually did. let it go act like you don't want him and you even refuse to discuss such matters other than work or school. its going to drive him crazy hes goin to have more respect for you. i hope you it helps please mail me. If anything. :) i would to help and answer your questions.
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