A
male
age
41-50,
*orontoGuy
writes:I think its come to decision time for this relationship. I am in a long distance relationship (4 months) with a woman i care about very much. We started off quickly and fell for each other and for a couple of months it was amazing. She told me she loved me, she asked me to move to her city/county (we live 300 miles apart now), she made a point to have me meet all her family and friends, she asked us to be exclusive, and she said i was a big part of her life. Sounds great right? I thought so too. I felt very strong feelings and was hoping that we could build this relationship into something long term and meaningful. Then things changed after she got "freaked out" about us. She began to withdraw her emotions from the relationship, saying she wanted to slow it down. She said she cares for me and wants this relationship, but im having a hard time putting my emotions in low gear. Im in no rush, but considering that we only see each other once a month and we never talk about our feelings anymore, i have grown worried that she doesnt really want this anymore. I sent her a letter explaining how i felt and she called to talk about things. I said that if she doesnt want this or doesnt care then to let me go. She has a very busy life (work, grad school, other commitements etc.) and i agree we should have our own lives, but i think we should be working on our relationship too. I visit her when she is free and ive given her the space she needs to do well in school. She has admitted to battling depression recently and told me that she is not satisfied with anything in her life (her career, her home, etc.) She is constantly stressed and anxious to accomplish things, and takes on a lot. The result seems to be little time or energy to be excited about this relationship anymore.Im trying not to take her recent indifference towards us personally. I want her to be happy and deal with her issues. Our romance has suffered and what once made me so happy has turned to constant anxiety and doubt. How can i slow it down and put on hold the things i feel? I wish she was as excited about "us" as she once was. I keep hoping she can turn things around for herself and i want to support her. Its just very hard being so far away. I feel like at this point in our relationship she should want more. One day she calls and says she misses me and wants to see me, then the next she is unavailable. How slow is "slow"? Are there ways i can cope with slowing it down given how little we already see each other? I want to be a high priority, but maybe its not the right time for her? She tells me she cares and that she wants this, but i cant help but feel im just one other challenge she deals with in her life.I want things to work out but this anxiety is starting to affect my life. Ive always been a guy who puts my heart on my sleeve and when i care about something i put everyting into it. I dont know if im being too sensitive to her slowing down an already slow moving relationship. Can i find a way to slow it down? Or do I just have to let this go and move on?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 Ask yourself a question why you wrote:
"I feel like at this point in our relationship she should want more".
This sounds like you feel that you want more, not she.
"Its just very hard being so far away".
True, but if you were closer, you couldn't stand this.
If you really hope she can turn things around for herself, you should keep this relationship.
My opinion is that you LOVE her enough to cope with that.
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