A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just ended a long phone conversation that seems to keep occuring, i do not know what to do so i have turned here for some advice..I met a girl a year ago and we moved into a relationship at what i feel now was far too fast, after the last few months of trying to fight my own feelings and simply accept that i know how i feel i decided to end the relationship, the reason for this was that despite how much i know that girl loves me, i just dont love her in ways that i have known love with other people before, I spent a long time battling with if i was over my ex before i met this girl but i can whole heartedly say that i am completely over any ex's, so i could no longer fight my feelings..I am a good person and i care SO much for this girl, i have tried over the past couple of months to "manage" the situation so that it limits the damage or hurt that this girl inflicts, or break up nicely if there is such a thing, trying to maintain a close bond or friendship, but i am starting to realise this may be impossible, please help me i am lost, the only other solution i can think of is to be a complete jerk and block her out of my life, but my nature and conscience wont let me inflict that pain on someone.thank you for your time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Thank you so very much for your great advice, I think it reaffirms what i know deep down i must do, even if it will ultimately cause pain to this girl, it is inevitable to come one day so sooner rather than later means she will hopefully heal quicker, i really care for her so much i just want her to be happy, i guess walking away will start that long process.
As a side note to the first reply, i felt the relationship moved too fast in the way that agreeing to be bf and gf after a few weeks, and ultimately from saying those three words far too quickly, when perhaps I was only just starting to fall for her, an awful mistake which i will never let myself make again.
Hopefully now the relationship is over, the next time i see her i will be able to sit down and tell her that i think we must have distance, at present we have daily phone calls and texts,even though we havent seen eachother for a couple of weeks.
Thanks again, i will update my story when it develops.
A
female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (22 April 2008):
In what ways did things move too fast?Haveyou met each others families etc?ou need to let her know,I am going through the same thing at the moment,however my guy has told me that throughout the year he has never been in love with me,which was just too hurtful.So,if you are feeling the same please do not tell her this as this will leave her feeling worthless and used...i know i do.Let her down gently and do not leave any misunderstanding that it could work itself out as that is only prolonging the agony for her.
Also,on the friends note,not a good idea cos every time you call her or text her she will be reading into it and again she will not heal this way.
You sound like a nice guy,but dont be too nice a guy as in the long run you will hurt her even more.You need to think of her and not you easing your conscience.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 The most painful experience anyone can endure is thinking someone cares for them when they do not. Honesty is always best, even if it hurts this girl. Rip the bandaide off and then let the wound heal. There is nothing worse than her going on to think there is still a possibility for something to happen with you. She will turn down other opportunities to be with someone else waiting on you if she loves you as you've said she does. Please tell this woman that you do not feel the same about her as she does about you and that you are sorry but this is not going to be the relationship she wants it to be. And then, maybe distancing yourself from her will be less painful to her than you hanging around reminding her that "he does not love me". I'm thanking you in advance for doing the right thing.
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