A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i met A last year when i started a new job, we got along really well and a strong friendship formed, at the time i was involved with someone, i could tell A wanted more than friendship and tried to dissuade him but eventually i started to fall for him, i tried to deny it and change it but it was hard, we flirted quite a lot, then A met a girl, things between us stayed the same yet we were both in loving committed relationships. At the end of last year my guilt over feeling for someone else among anythings caused me to break it off with my boyfriend, things stayed the same between A and i, but got more intense, he was still with his girlfriend who had since moved in with him so we were dancing around each other for ages just messing around being stupid and flirting. the tension between the two of us has been building ever since and this weekend it boiled over with me performing an intimate act on him. He is still with his girlfriend. we both know it shouldnt have happened, but denying each other is hard. he immediately felt guilty and i immediately realised the consequences of my actions, we are both at fault here. my concern is that i will lose him as a friend. aside from that we have a mutual friend who is very anti cheating and would never speak to me again if he found out. we were both so caught up in the moment we didnt think of the consequences and while i know that isnt an excuse, im not angling for him to leave his girlfriend for me, while im certainly open to that, i am more realistic, he hasnt left her yet, he isnt going to as much as i wish he would. i dont want to lose his friendship, or that of my anti cheating friend. Help how do i fix this ?!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 Well, these things do have consequences, as you are finding out. You made a mistake, and it's not something you can take back. What is done is done. I don't think you will be able to be friends with your co-worker after this, but you can regain the business relationship you once had.
The way you fix it is to conduct yourself properly from this day forward. You both realize that it was a mistake, and you now know he has no intention of leaving his girlfriend. You must both put this behind you and count yourself lucky that his girlfriend, and your anti-cheating friend, never found out about it. Make sure they never do. Do not mention it to anyone ever again.
You are not the first woman in history to have ever made such a mistake. I know it was a tough lesson to learn. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on.
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