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male
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anonymous
writes: Ok so tonight I was in a horny mood and it was overwhelming me. My g/f, who I dearly love and plan to marry, wasn't really in the mood. We were sitting there and I started kissing and licking at her stomach and then began to move up to her breasts. I didn't ask permission like I normally do and she seemed to welcome it. After that, I started to stick my hand down her pants to finger her and didn't ask permission - I just did it. Normally I would ask, but I don't know what came over me. She stopped me a little bit after that and then kissed me and didn't speak. I knew this was a bad thing. Well, it turns out it was and now she has lost trust in me and says I have to earn it back. What I did was very wrong; I know this, but I was wondering what can I do for her to gain her trust back? Is there certain things I can do, or do I need to do like she said and just be patient and work it out as it goes along. I love this girl so much and she is everything to me. She feels the same way about me and says she loves me all the time...even after what happened tonight she still said it. So, please...our aniversary is coming up soon. Can I do anything there to make things better? Like have a candle light dinner etc.? thanks
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male
reader, cubwn  +, writes (1 December 2010):
All of these people are saying that it's HER fault for what happened and that she needs to just move on. That's not true, not at all. If you really love her, you need to respect her. If you're trying to wait until marriage to do serious sexual things, then it's definitely wrong.
But everyone makes mistakes and gets carried away. That's part of life. Don't let it get you down, and definitely DONT tell her to just get over it. You hurt her. She got carried away for just a few moments and she regretted it. Both of you let your guards down.
If you really want to have her trust, buy her a promise ring for your anniversary. When you give it to her, promise that you will be the best boyfriend you can be, that you will respect her, that you will love her so long as you know she loves you too, etc.
Stick to your promises to. No empty promises, unless you want to lose her trust again.
I hoped this helped, man.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): How do you feel that you did something wrong? You said she is your girl friend, not that gives you the permission to do anything you want to her but you are in a relationship which involves intimacy and sex.
You should be allowed to have 'play' that can or may not lead to sex without the feelings of guilt you are having. If Adam had to ask Eve for permission we all might not be here.
I would say that you both need to decide and communicate open and honest about this relationship you are in so that each know the ground rules. Nature is the what it is and when we over think it is when it gets ugly.
You are going to have to decide for yourself if you want to be in a relationship that requires you to ask for permission for things that should happen naturally.
best of luck my friend.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (11 January 2007):
 How old are you two? I would guess not very! This almost seems like a first base/second base type thing. Please can we have more information.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): I am a woman and after reading your question I am very confussed as to what you did that broke her trust. Yes sometimes women are not in the mood for sex and it can also sometimes be frustrating if your partner is in the mood while you are not. However I think you need to sit down and talk to your girlfriend about this. If you truly love her and want to marry her then the communication lines need to be opened. If there is something she doesn't like she should have said it stright away, instead of waiting a while. Personally I don't believe a man should have to ask permission to innitiate sex, however should his partner say to him that she is not in the mood he should respect that and deal with it. Just talk to her about the issue and explain that you just wanted to please her. Or next time she is in the mood just say you aren't and that way she knows how it feels to be in your situtation.
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female
reader, May +, writes (7 December 2005):
I am a woman and yes some nights I am not in the mood and a kiss and a cuddle might get me to change my mind. But if I am not in the mood I smack his hand and tell him to go take a cold shower. Point is that she could have stopped you whenever she wanted, maybe she feels guilty about enjoying it because I don't see how a trust has been violated. Tell her to get over herself.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): You *have to* get rid of her. It seems to me that you are at a certain level of intimacy where it is assumed that you are both ok with with this level of contact. If she wasnt in the mood at that particular time or if she wanted to back your relationship off, she is perfectly capable of telling you that. What is this "trust that she has lost"??? I mean WTF! Is she afraid that she cant contol your disgusting male urges? She is not that into you, she isnt mature, and she is probably playing games. In my mind, she is irredeemable. Start looking around for an appropriate girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): I think she sounds like she is really being very immatuture about this. What you did is not "very wrong". There are times that I've been with previous boyfriends and early on in the relationship and they have maybe tried something that I didn't think was the go at that point in time and all that had to be done was to move them in another direction - not bawl them out or make them feel like dirt or like they had done something terrible. They probably thought I was ready to go further than I was, that's not a crime, forcing me to do it on the other hand would have been a crime and then that would be very wrong. But this is not that - to say that she has lost trust in you because of this - she sounds like a drama queen and I think she is enjoying seeing you grovel. Yes, you should respect her wishes and if the foreplay was getting too much, by all means, she should say so but the way she is carrying on is silly. And please never say that someone is everything to you - no one person deserves that much attention in your life, yes she should be a big part but everything is too much. I think you are giving too much in this relationship and she is taking far far far far too much from you.
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male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (6 December 2005):
 Hi,
I would be of the opinion that you shouldn’t have to ask permission to give your girlfriend affection. She is not in the mood? Don’t let that stop you - I can only think that you were trying to get her in the mood… you weren’t exactly raping her, you were just trying to turn her on as much as you were, and you moved from one act to another giving her opportunity to stop if she really wanted to (which she did in the end – so it didn’t work, you might need to improve your technique).
I can’t imagine ever asking a girl if I can touch her breasts. Not that I would walk up to someone and do either, but if you are in a relationship long enough where you are thinking of marriage then these should be considered acceptable advances, kissing, touching etc.
You are obviously a big softie though, and I get the impression that she wears the trousers in the relationship, and was a little taken aback by your sudden uncharacteristic macho act. Good for you is what I say.
Now, her problem is that she wants the trousers back, and is giving you the run around, and letting you know that she the one in control. Making you ‘earn’ her trust? My god this girl knows how soft you are, and is using it to get you to play catch up.
I don’t believe you have anything to apologise for, except maybe not being manly enough (and possibly not knowing how to turn on someone who isn’t in the mood – but then sometimes no-one can). The candle light dinner certainly wont do the relationship any harm of course.
If it was me, I would be annoyed that she is playing this little mind game, and I would tell her that I was annoyed about it. Then she might have more respect.
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female
reader, BrunetteAce +, writes (5 December 2005):
Why do you need to ask permission to touch your own girlfriend?? I am really sorry about how you feel and I know you must think you have done something wrong, but you cant help getting turned on once in a while! It doesnt sound like you forced her into anything so you have done nothing wrong! You should be able to tell if she is in the mood without having to ask her.. I'm sorry but I dont think you have the problem..its her who should be doing the apologising!Hope it goes well for you
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2005): If she was pretty clear and communicative to you that "she wasn't in the mood" but you still tried-yes, you were out of line. You don't have to like it, but you have no right to cop a few feels; you made her feel you were demanding sex. When it comes to something as personal and impactful as sex, a simple tit-for-tat paradigm not only doesn't work, it doesn't honor the act or the people involved. Yes, you are dating but it doesn't mean, it is her duty to give in and 'boink' you when she obviously doesn't want to. She owes you nothing but honesty and you got that...when she told you how what you did made her feel.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (5 December 2005):
That person who said you should't have to ask for her permission since shes your gf is an idiot! Just because 2 people are bf and gf does not mean they own you or have control over you and thats basicly what your suggesting. Your suggesting that a womans body is a mans property basicly and thats wrong. I hope you don't listen to that person.Ok its good that you can understand that what you done was wrong to your gf. As for earning her trust back, just do what would make her trust you. You can't just do one big thing (like organise a fantastic dinner, although im not saying don't do your idea but what im saying is just doing that wont earn it back...) it has to be many tiny steps taken. Trust is earned in time. Basicly just make sure you do what you have always done, besides that one night when you made the mistake. Ask her permission becasue that makes her comfortable. I personally dont believe in gonig out of my way jsut to earn browny points, thats the way i see it, not earning trust. It seems a bit like you would be sucking up. But you knwo do what you want to, i mean there is no harm really in spoiling her i guess. But yeah, i think it would be fine to just do what you did that made her trust you before that mistake.goodluck, hope it all goes well :)
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male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (5 December 2005):
 If this chick is your girlfriend you shouldn't NEED to ask permission. You should just gauge her reaction and mood and go with the flow. I'd say SHE has the problem here and if you marry her you're stuck until you get a divorce. I'm guessing that you're not too old.
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