A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles, I am twenty years old and until recently I have never been kissed. Kissing was something I was not familiar with and I could not push myself to do something I did not consider natural, no matter how perfect, according to logical thinking, a guy was for me. I considered a kiss (one that I wanted) to be a start to a relaionship and I was always thinking forward and realising something was not...perfect. I wanted it to be natural, but it never felt so when it got close to it, no matter how much I liked the guy just a few weeks/days before. I did not have a problem with not having a boyfriend, but my friends and especially my grandmother began saying that this is not the way to go. I should get "experience", and the pressure of their opinions was mounting on me. I was fine with not having a boyfriend, but started to become less and less fine with their reaction to it. A few days ago (it all seems like a dream now), I went on a 3 day trip (work/study related) and there were a lot of interesting people there, but I paid special attention to one- a perfect gentleman. What happened on the last night contradicts everything about me- logic has been turned off completely and although I was smart enough to say that I wouldn't sleep with him, we went to "base 3". We live in different countries and I don't think I'll see him again. I realise it is not very uncommon to get close with a person nowadays (maybe it is in such tight timeframes?), but this situation contradicts every possible aspect of the previous me. I don't know how to take it all in, I'm lost in my values and feel as I have no guidance and perception of myself...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): Having high moral standings doesn't tell you much when those morals have never been tested. Taking a whole lot of pride in untested morals is nothing but a kind of smug self-rightousness.
You've been tested a little now, and this is how you fared. (Imagine if this guy had been a serious long-term relationship and not jut three days!)
Re-adjust, see yourself for who you (really) are, and move on from here.
It doesn't sound like you did do anything horrendous and evil to me. It sounds like you're not as worked up about what happened, as much as you're just surprised at your own behaviour.
A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (9 April 2008):
Darling, do not be hard on yourself. After all you are human and you perceived this man to be an ok choice to come into your personal space. You felt a connection and attraction. The lack of time to establish a relationship was not available to you, however you used a very important tool lacking in alot of women out there in that you actually based your opinion on him as a suitable option BASED ON YOUR VALUES AND MORALS.
I think this was an experiment for you in checking whether your assessment of him as a potential suitor is in line with your values and morals. You need to commend yourself on that because you RESPECTED YOUR BELIEFS AND VALUES and chose a person who fitted in with that. The only thing against you was the lack of time to establish a relationship BUT YOU ARE WELL ON YOUR WAY TO FINDING AND MAINTAINING A HEALTHY STABLE RELATIONSHIP IN THE FUTURE! You are already doing what nature intended. Finding happiness, love and above all believing in yourself and your self worth and not compromising your values simply because you want a partner and do not want to be alone. Use this experience as just that. To maintain a healthy stable relationship you need to have faith in yourself and believe in yourself. You are already doing that but you need to chuck the guilt out and not be hard on yourself. You are a beautiful woman and this person SAW YOUR QUALITIES ALSO BECAUSE YOU PROJECT YOURSELF AS BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE YOU ARE. Hope I helped you.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (9 April 2008):
 This was just a step in a random experimental direction. It may seem like you've broken your original values - you were obviously pressured into this by the reactions you received from friends and family. There is nothing wrong with the things you feel and believe. and it's okay to be happy single, waiting for things to be right.
I think you should look at this as a reboot of your values. If you dislike that this happened, it reinforces the way you originally were. There's nothing wrong with what you've done unless you yourself hate that it happened.
Don't be afraid to stick to what you believe in and if you go off course a bit, don't judge yourself. Just allow yourself to return to your values so that you're comfortable with yourself.
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