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female
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anonymous
writes: My problem is sorta complicated. I'm 17 and there is this boy i have strong feelings for, i might even love him. I have done things for him that i wouldnt normally do wit any one my past boyfriends. This boy lets say his name is John is not my boyfriend right now. He is very focused on his school work because he is a freshman in college right now. He acts as if he does not want a girlfriend at the time. So i opted to wait 3 years until he got outta college. He says that there is a possibilty that we will be together in 3 years.Its wierd because a couple months ago he was calling me baby, and boo, and telling me that he loves me and stuff like that, and he isnt a very affectionate person so i thought that he was starting to like me more. When we are together he acts as if he loves me to death, but when we are talking on the fone he acts as if we are just friends.I even went as far as losing my virginity to him, because i felt like he was the one for me. But he will not ask me to be his girlfriend, and when i bring it up he changes the subject. He always hints toward having sex and starts stuff that leads to it when we are together.Is he just using me for sex? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissMo +, writes (16 October 2006):
The bottom line is this: You are going to do what you want to do. But my feeling is that he's going to end up being a painful lesson learned.
A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (16 October 2006):
 Well virginity is important but not something really relevant for your future darling if you lost your virginity to a man who doesn't appreciate you then it was worth losing it and finding out before you get in a serious relationship or marry
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): Thanks for all of your help, but yes i have known him for about a year and a half now and i have met his family and everything like that, and as far as i know when i go to his house with him, his family always refers to me as his "girlfriend" and he doesnt correct them. I don't think that is the type to say i love you to get in my pants, because he doesnt force me to do anything, and asked repeateldly if i am sure i want to do it, and if he feels as if i don't want to and feel pressured then, he will not make me. But i do use protection, I cant afford for anything to go wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): Sorry to say it, but it does sound as if he's only interested in sex with you. If you are having sex with him, I hope he's using a condom. The last thing you want is to risk catching an STD or getting pregnant!If he wanted to be your boyfriend, he would be asking you to go places with him - movies, outings, go for lunch or dinner, meet his friends, meet his family, etc. Can't fault him for being focussed on his studies, but wait for three years for him to finish college?Don't hold your breath! Don't wait for him. That is far too long a time to wait for something that sounds, from this side of the monitor screen, very, very iffy.You should be getting out and dating others. Doing other things you enjoy - what about your own studies?
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A
male
reader, is what life is?  +, writes (16 October 2006):
 Where to start? Dont have sex with him yet, I know these feelings you are having, I have had them too, I have also had the same problem with someone saying they wanted to focus on their studies first, then hinting they wanted me. It did not end well infact I have just posted that problem.
You should say to him, you either go out with me now or not at all, say that you will always stay out of his way when he is studying, but if you really do want to have sex with him then make sure his feelings to you are sinceare and he is not just playing you around. Trust me you do not want your heart broken like that, and how well do you really know him? Is he the kind of guy that would say he loved you just to get into your pants? And make sure that he is the one you really want. I meen can you see you and him together in 20 years? I really hope this is helped you this is the first advice i've given.
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