A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:I am a female in her mid fifties. I have done online dating on and off for about nine years. I have a good job, a home, friends, hobbies, have been told that I am attractive, work out, intelligent, funny and best of all, have a big heart. I started texting and talking to a man for two weeks. We would usually talk about 1-2 hours in the evening. The conversations were about almost everything. There was laughing and some flirting. He seemed like a real nice man, has done volunteer work, helps out his friends etc. He has kids and grandchildren, who he loves very much. He is very busy, even though he is retired. He gives rides to people, who need them and plays cards a few days a week. There was one night, we didn't talk. He got home to late and didn't want to disturb me, thought I was probably sleeping. He called me that morning, because he wanted to hear my voice. I was thinking this guy is great, almost to good to be true. So we met. Had coffee and what I thought was good conversation. We talked almost 1 1/2 hours. He said it was fun and let's hang out sometime soon. He said he was not into games, drama or liars. I thought for sure I would hear from him the next day as usual, but nothing. I sent him a quick text thanking him for the coffee. He said it was nice meeting me and he was having a relaxing evening with his dogs. My gut is telling me he isn't interested even though his body language, when we met seemed like he was. I don't mind if he would have told me the truth. I have done a lot of things in order to meet new people and possibly find a companion such as church, volunteer groups, community theater, bowling league's, movie clubs etc. I have made friends, but can't seem to find, the right person for me. I am not looking for perfection, money or anything like that. Looking for a companion to share my life with. I know relationships take work, but feel like it shouldn't be this hard. I usually don't expect much in terms of coffee dates, but this one seemed different. I have not been this excited in meeting someone in years. I welcome opinions on if he is interested or not? Also why men play the three day game? Thanks.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 February 2018):
 I don't really think he's playing any games either. I think older people don't tend to spend as much time on their phone texting and what not.
If you would like to see him, then what's wrong with you asking him? Why does he alwsys have to initiate? He could just as easily be thinking 'I wonder why I've not heard from her after we had a good date'.
Stop thinking about it so much, if it's going to happen it will do naturally. Just keep going as it is and see how it develops. If you don't feel any different or any clearer about how he feels in a couple more weeks then maybe you should move on then.
If people like each other then they will do things to make it known.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 February 2018):
 I'm not sure he is actually playing any games. From your description of him, I suspect he is just not wanting to appear too eager. It's a fine balancing act when dating between appearing too casual and too eager. There are no set schedules of how often/how quickly contact needs to be made.
If you really like this guy, which you do appear to, then just chill. Give him a day or two then initiate contact again. If you have to do this a few times and he stops making the first move completely, then ASK him what is going on. Nobody can guess what is going on in his head. He could be worried about so many things that you can't even begin to guess at.
If it turns out that he has changed his mind, then wish him well and move on with your search. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2018): Don't try to figure it out, you'll go nuts. The trouble sometimes with online dating is you don't know who people are. Maybe he was seeing someone else and she came back around. YOU NEVER KNOW... IT does take time to know someone that is true. Don't get into anything too quickly. Let them win you over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2018): I think you're over-thinking this a bit, and you're impatient.
Mature people (particularly mature single-guys) tend to be more deliberate and take their time when it comes to romance. We aren't as impetuous and hormone-driven as we were in our 20's; so the fact he contacted you; and had a lengthy and enjoyable conversation, should be adequate to let you know he's interested.
You're not in a relationship; so it's too soon for daily contact. If you didn't hear from him for 3 days, it's likely he was sitting there wondering why you didn't give him a call? It goes both ways!
He has an active life, he's a lay-back casual kind of guy; so he's balancing many things in his life. Being too eager will send the wrong message, coming from either of you.
Relax and let nature take it's course. He's not going to fall in-love in a matter of weeks; and if he did, I'd be highly suspicious of that. Not because he's not on the phone every single day.
You can initiate contact. You're a grown-woman. He doesn't have to be the one always letting you know he likes you. At this point, that's all it could possibly be. If you want to let him know you'd like to see more of him, let him know. I guess it's your turn!
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (18 February 2018):
Without knowing more, this is just a guess: I don't think he is playing the three-day game. That's usually played within the first few days or week of knowing someone...not after you've been having daily phone calls with someone. And he doesn't sound like a game-player. I believe something didn't click for him when you met. Keep looking. If he comes back into the groove, great. If not, you won't lose any time in find Mr. Right. You sound like a real catch for a guy...good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2018):
 Why do men play the "wait 3 days"? game? Because they think it will INCREASE her interest and it usually works.
Honestly OP?
You have talked and texted for 2-3 weeks WHERE is the fire? Just slow down and TRY NOT to make the presumption that EVERY new guy you meet will BE your next companion. JUST take you time getting to know them.
I would give him 3 days and if you don't hear from him (as you were the LAST one to reach out) I would move on and look elsewhere.
I DO think the older we get the HARDER it is to find a GOOD mate/partner. Because once we hit 40+ we are kind of set in our ways and many people have a LOT of baggage they drag around as well.
You could (if you want to spend the money) do a quick $15 background check on him.
But here is the thing, HE might have seemed like a good one, doesn't mean he WAS/IS a good match for you and you for him.
Which is why I'd give him a few days and if you don't hear from him, BLOCK and move on.
While I get you want a partner/companion don't let guys who aren't interested hold you up from moving forward with someone else.
Also, unfortunately many guys in their late 40-50's want someone younger - at least until they realize that really IS NOT what they want. Keep being social, keep making new friends and enjoying life. If you can find ONE decent man, you can find another. It's a given.
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