A
female
age
41-50,
*aniele79
writes:I feel awafull, I am almost 30, and a single mum, have met a man on a dating site, he is 34, we just met once, that went ok, chatted a little online, and send a 1 or 2 text messages, and than, yesterday he invited me over for dinner. I went, but I drunk too much, we both did, but I think I did more, and I didn't eat much. Than that night when he was cooking he told me he was gay, and I belived him, and we stayed talking for too long, late at night, and he suggested I sleep over, so I said ok, and than when we were both in bed, he said that he wasn't gay, and he kissed me, and we just started kissing, and we ended up having sex. But, I so wasn't ready! And the thing is, I remember him asking me "Are you ready? Do you want to make love?" And I said "I don't know" I was drunk, I couldn't make the right decision! And in the morning, I woke up so guilty!! I am older, I should know better! And now probably he will never call me again, cos I was so easy! And the fact is, that I even didn't enjoy it much, there was no passion, I guess cos I was drunk, and shy, and because we didn't know each other that long, I don't know! That's why I don't understand why I did it? I remember everything, and that makes me even more guilty, but I guess I couldn't juge my situation under the influence of alcohol. He lives in my town, maybe we meet again on the road, maybe not, but that doesn't make me feel any better. What should I do? How can I forgive myself? Cos, this can not happen again!
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drunk, kissing, shy, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (27 May 2009):
 Well, it sounds like all is not lost! Let us know how things progress.
Honeygirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): My wife went through the same things that you have experienced. Sometimes she just got used for sex and sometimes she ended up dating a nice guy for a while. Look at it like she did. She might have gotten used, but she also used the guy to get what she needed at the time. It sometimes goes both ways. She made her mistakes and neither of us were happy with what she did at times, but she is all I could have ever hoped for in a partner, friend and wife.
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female
reader, Daniele79 +, writes (27 May 2009):
Daniele79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah hey!
I just got his text message and he said "Good morning, I just got up, everything ok after last night?"
And I replied to him "Good morning to you too, yes, everythings fine, thank you for asking."
-I really like him! We'll see what will happen next!
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A
female
reader, Daniele79 +, writes (27 May 2009):
Daniele79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear troubledtoomuch,
thank you for your answer, but what happened this morning is, I woke up, he was on the other side of the bed, I got up, got dressed, and just woke him up to say Bye, and also I managed to say that I feel a bit dizzy and that I think that I've drunk too much last night, he agreed and also say "yeah, me too" , and said to me that I got drunk cos I hardly eat anything. He didn't kiss me before I left. I wanted him to kiss me, but he didn't, so I didn't do anything, didn't want to make fool of myself even more. I think he didn't enjoy it either, he came though, of course, I didn't.
I was too hurting from my failed marriage, which happened to be 2 years ago, and was lonely, felt unattractive and just wanted some love and affection. And I still feel that way, sleeping with him just made me feel even worse. And he doesn't know all that! And now, I am not sure would he even want to know it?
I liked him, but he used me. He said he was gay, I trusted him, and then in bed said that he wasn't and that he was only joking, kissed me and said "Do you still think that I am gay?"
I feel hurt. I am sure he won't text me anymore, but that will only just confirm that he acctually only wanted sex with me, and doesn't want to see me again. Oh, and I do remember he said, when we were talking in bed that he doesn't want a girlfriend.
I think he is one sad person! But, I am still upset with myself, but this will never happen again! I have to forgive myself, and not drink when with men!
And thank you for saying that this doesn't make me a bad woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Don't be so hard on yourself. We all do things that we wish afterword that we hadn't done. A lot of men and women have had second thoughts about the night before and wish they hadn't slept with someone. My wife did that after she left her first husband and would feel cheap a few days later. I had a 1 night stand once and felt bad a couple of days later because I just used the woman for sex. I still feel bad years later that I did that. We did these things in our early 30s.
So you are afraid that he will think that you were too easy and not think much of you. I doubt that is what he is thinking. I made no attempt to get my wife into bed on our first date, but I did on the second date and we slept together. We were both completely sober. She later told me that she wanted to sleep with me on the first date. Another woman who I dated years ago was all over me on our first date, even though I had no intention on trying to get her into bed that night. Was she easy? Yes. Did I think badly of her? No. It was obvious from our discussions that night that she was hurting from her recently failed marriage and was lonely, felt unattractive and just wanted some love and affection. It didn't make her a bad woman.
Don't dwell too much on what you did. Just chalk it up to experience and move on. I have an idea how you are feeling, as my wife had to confess all of her mistakes to me shortly after we started dating. It took many years before we could really talk about it and I could understand how she felt and what she needed at the time.
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female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (27 May 2009):
Well, you were drunk and since you were drunk you were not in control.
You cant go back now, you have slept with him! But I would be very wary as he sounds like he lied to you to get you to have sex. First telling you hes gay then telling you hes not... mmmmmmm....
Its over, and the best you can do is learn from your mistakes.
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